Survivors gather in Warren to remember, honor loved ones lost to suicide

By SEAN BARRON

news@vindy.com

WARREN

Every November, Mary Kopiak gets sunflowers painted on her fingernails with a complementary light-blue backdrop that she wears for the entire month.

“She was a fun-loving little prankster. She was my baby Smurf,” Kopiak remembered about her late daughter, Valerie Kopiak, who died Nov. 20, 1998, after having committed suicide. She was 19.

In a loving and symbolic gesture, Kopiak adorns her nails with the same color as the popular fictional blue cartoon characters, along with sunflowers, to honor her daughter, who died from an overdose after spending 11 days on life support.

Holding back tears at times, Kopiak shared part of her daughter’s story during the 20th annual Candlelight Vigil for National Survivors of Suicide Awareness Day gathering Saturday evening at Life Church of Warren’s Reach Center, 2609 Weir Road NE.

“It’s changed my life forever. I was mad at the world,” she told an audience of a few dozen, many of whom also lost loved ones to suicide. “There’s no such thing as closure.”

Other than having difficulties in her relationship with her boyfriend, Valerie showed no outward signs of depression or other factors that can lead to ending one’s life, her mother recalled. Instead, the teenager with a sense of humor who worked at a Wendy’s restaurant in Niles, had many friends and wanted to be a flight attendant, seemed content, Mary remembered.

Also, Valerie had a close relationship with her maternal grandmother and derived pleasure from helping her walk when she was frail and managing her bank account, Mary added.

Valerie, who some of her teachers branded “the class clown,” loved Halloween and won a prize when she was a Secrist Elementary School third-grader for dressing as a camera. The creative costume entailed spray-painting a large box, adding decals to it and making her face resemble a light bulb, Mary continued.

Haley Peterson of Warren said of her boyfriend, Charles Fairchild, “He was always a happy person. He was playing with the kids the night this happened.”

“This,” was Fairchild shooting himself to death on Oct. 3, 2014, at age 20.

Like Valerie Kopiak, Fairchild displayed no overt signs of contemplating suicide. He had just earned his high school equivalency diploma, was working in a factory, had ambitions to become a diesel mechanic and looked forward to taking care of his and Peterson’s two infants, said his mother, Norma Fairchild.

“He was happy-go-lucky and loved everybody,” Norma added. “He put everyone else before himself.”

Also at the vigil were Peterson and Fairchild’s two children, Christian, 4, and Olivia, 5.

Suicide is commonly viewed as a “confusing death,” because those left behind tend to want answers that usually are not readily available or apparent, explained Cathy Grizinski, associate director of Help Network of Northeast Ohio, a local suicide-prevention and crisis-intervention agency.

“We often want a simple answer, yet we’re all searching for an answer,” said Grizinski, who also runs a Survivors of Suicide support group that meets three times a month.

During the early stages of enduring such a monumental loss, some people experience a level of grief that can resemble post-traumatic stress disorder. Over time, however, those whose lives are irreparably changed can heal to the point of being able to more clearly remember and appreciate the joy and good times as well as deal with the sadness, loss and grief, said Grizinski, who noted that more than 45,000 people on average in the U.S. die each year by suicide.

After lighting their candles, many attendees spoke in remembrance of their loved ones who had taken their lives. Some placed pictures of someone they lost to suicide on a table next to a photograph of Valerie Kopiak.

On several occasions, they said in unison, “We miss you and will always love you,” in memory of family members, loved ones, co-workers, colleagues, friends and others who had taken their own lives.

For Mary Kopiak, suffice it to say that holding the vigil each year is one way she copes with her loss while expressing her love for her daughter.

“This will go on as long as I’m alive,” she added.

Those who might be considering suicide or know someone who is potentially suicidal can call the Help Network of Northeast Ohio at 330-747-2696, or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 (TALK).