43
Counselors give tips on how to get through grief on the holidays
YOUNGSTOWN
An uptick of people seeking grief counseling is common over the holidays, Marilyn Burns, counselor at the Treat Yourself Center for Holistic Health in Boardman, said.
“We get more appointments around the holiday, and we get a lot of cancellations, too, because the day of the appointment, depressed people might not want to get out of bed,” Burns said.
Grief may cause people to shut down and become isolated, but Burns said going to holiday parties and keeping with traditions can help remedy the pain a grieving person feels.
“Pleasure, meaning and joy cancels out pain,” Burns said. “When you give yourself an opportunity to take a break from pain, it’s a wise decision.”
Choosing to try and enjoy the holidays can be healing. “Living life is the best solution for grief,” Burns said.
Denise Kelley, director of Clinical services at Preferred Care Counseling LLC, said it’s healthy to establish new holiday traditions.
“Do things with family members. Make cards or decorations together, and of course do something to honor the person you lost, like an ornament with their picture on the tree,” Kelley said.
Jolene Schiedel, a grief counselor at Becker Funeral Homes, helps run the Holiday Help program, which gives families tips on getting through the holidays without a loved one. She advises people to talk about memories of their loved ones and not to shy away from bringing them up.
“It might feel uncomfortable, but everyone is thinking about it and is hurting. There’s relief when you start talking about the loved one,” Scheidel said.
Burns and Kelley agree the best solution to plow through holiday grief is to stay busy.
“You have to make plans, have something to look forward to,” Burns said. “Plan to wrap Christmas gifts, bake cookies, write Christmas cards. If you leave it unstructured, you are going to be open to grief.”
Schiedel recommended donating to a charity in honor of a loved one to feel better about not buying them a gift for Christmas.
Taking care of yourself physically and emotionally is vital to getting through holidays while grieving the loss of a loved one.
“You probably won’t be sleeping as well with all the added holiday stress, especially if it’s your first without them. You’ve really got to be careful about self-care,” Burns said.
People tend to get worked up when they are grieving because they replay painful memories, Burns said.
“The idea is to cool down. Go for a walk. Do anything that will get you out of that brain loop of replaying those painful memories,” she said. “Talk about feel-good memories you have of them; talk about special holiday memories you have with them.”
Schiedel said the only way to get over grief is to get through it. She said it’s important to take time to cry and talk with trusted family members or friends. Kelley and Burns agreed.
“Allow yourself to feel these emotions. Allow yourself to cry,” Kelley said. “There is no set order of doing things. Everyone grieves in their own time.”