Taking the religious road less traveled
And just when I thought …
Three years ago I, along with my wife, joined a delightful, progressive Christian church. We attend service regularly and have become part of a church family with ever-deepening friendships. We participate in a number of missions where, as most volunteers acknowledge, we receive far more than we give.
I am currently finishing a three-year officer’s position within the church polity. I seldom miss the book discussion group with its adult, intellectually stimulating conversations where no question is out of bounds and personal opinions, no matter how much they differ from orthodox Christian dogma, are encouraged.
I thought I had finally arrived “home.” Unfortunately, my “Happier Ever After” is not to be.
Those who have followed my spiritual journey in this column know how I’ve wrestled with the dogma, doctrine and declarations of the mainline Christian church. Jesus didn’t preach beliefs but rather he exemplified a radical way of life. I’m thankful my liberal United Church of Christ isn’t ruled by strict beliefs and creeds. For instance, unlike the Nicene Creed the U.C.C. creed is general in nature and it’s always emphasized that it should only serve as a starting point for deeper discussion. Our official church motto proudly proclaims that “you are accepted here wherever you are on your journey.” Our church takes the Bible seriously, but not literally, which is critical to me. So, what happened?
Decades ago in my spiritual quest, to quote Robert Frost, “I took the road less traveled.” My lifelong study of Christianity, through years of doubts, disappointments, anger, “aha” moments and divine experiences, has resulted in my having a mystical relationship with an unknowable God.
In Acts 17:28, Paul says it is “in God we live, and move, and have our being.” Trappist Monk and mystic Thomas Merton similarly states: “We are living in a world that is absolutely transparent and God is shining through it all the time. If we abandon ourselves to God and forget ourselves, we see it sometimes, and maybe frequently. God shows Himself everywhere, in everything -- in people and in things and in nature and in events. The only thing is that we don’t see it.”
Merton, Paul and others with similar thoughts have influenced me deeply. I have embraced their theology, am satisfied with my connection to God and continue my efforts to see the Divine in every person and every thing.
Ultimately, here is the conflict. Most Sundays I attend a service where we worship, praise, petition and love a God outside our selves, an “other” being, someone beyond the clouds looking down on us. It is traditional, and while this style of worship may connect many with their image of God it separates me from mine. I feel that I live in God and God lives in me and that God is found not “in the beyond” but “in our midst.” I am in communion with God, and to have that closeness split apart every Sunday is more than frustrating. It’s painful.
In a brief, but honest, conversation with my pastor regarding my concerns I was told that “Western Christianity worships the God ‘out there’.” It was meant to be an “end of discussion” comment. But Christian theology is very complex and, more important, far more difficult to communicate than the Sunday school version offered from the pulpit in most churches today. Today’s church feels it necessary to provide absolutes and certainty for those who demand it or cannot live with questions and the unknowable. Many seekers no longer accept this limiting image of God and leave the church entirely. An acceptance of an unknowable God (Mystery) is possible for those who pursue Christianity more deeply and this relationship is both comfortable and liberating. However, one bravely must be willing to leave the familiar.
So, here is what I’m faced with: Where do I go? What do I do?
Wearily, and somewhat tearfully, I grab my seeker’s staff, my pilgrim’s hat and take yet another step in my spiritual journey. Perhaps I’ll see you along the way.
Tom Bresko, retired from Mill Creek Metro Parks, is a Christian on a spiritual pilgrimage.