Forgiveness therapy is focus of program
By LINDA M. LINONIS
CANFIELD
When a person forgives a wrong, physical, emotional and spiritual benefits result.
That concept was among several discussed during a program Thursday on “Forgiveness Therapy: Sowing the Seeds in our Youth” at Drake’s Landing, 2177 W. Western Reserve Road. Sponsors were Mahoning County Juvenile Court and Mahoning County Juvenile Court Community Advisory Board.
The event attracted about 100 people including counselors, therapists, youth workers and those in social service agencies. Judge Theresa Dellick welcomed the group. The session, according to its literature, aimed to show that forgiveness therapy can be an antidote to the violence, rage and revenge that permeates society.
Bishop George Murry of the Diocese of Youngstown presented “Theological Perspective of the Power of Forgiveness and Apology.” He said “forgiveness is rooted in a relationship with God and is releasing negative thoughts.”
He cited Ephesians 4:32, “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”
Bishop Murry said there are practical reasons with the virtue of forgiveness. “It makes you happier,” he said. “When you hold a grudge, your blood pressure and heart rate spike and you damage your immune system.” He continued that holding grudges also “undermines feelings of trust.”
“Forgiveness is a choice of will,” Bishop Murry said. “Forgiveness is not forgetting or pretending something didn’t happen ... it’s letting go of pain.”
He emphasized forgiveness “is not giving permission for offensive and hurtful behavior to continue or condoning that behavior.”
Bishop Murry said he visited the church in Charleston, S.C., where nine people were killed. He conveyed that church members talked about forgiving but noted that the shooter had to be held accountable. “Justice is the responsibility of the state where people are accountable for obeying the law. We can forgive someone but still want justice,” he pointed out.
Apologizing to a wronged person takes “courage, humility and willingness to take a risk,” he said. Especially in family situations, the bishop said, apologizing is a step to rebuilding a relationship.
Via Skype, Gayle Reed presented “The Practice and Benefits of Forgiveness Therapy – A Clinical and Developmental Framework for Healing.” She has a doctorate from the University of Wisconsin in Madison, where she conducted forgiveness research with Dr. Robert Enright, founder of International Forgiveness Institute. She discussed the forgiveness therapy model.
“What wrong has been done to you harms your inherent worth,” she said. “Adolescents need help with this.” Reed said youths and adults must realize that “some bad things may happen” in their lives and how they cope influences their lives.
Reed said forgiveness therapy yields “positive results.” She said, “not forgiving hurts.” Unresolved anger from such situations as incest, abuse, infidelity, neglect and bullying produce anxiety, depression, stress, low self-esteem, diminished relationships, poor decisions and possible substance abuse, Reed said.
The one wronged may practice repetitive retelling of the wrong, identify as a victim and have psychological distress. “The benefits of therapy are an increase in hope, self-esteem, social skills and sense of inherent worth,” she said. “Forgiveness is not forgetting or excusing.”
Reed said answering the question “what kind of person do I want to be” is crucial for adolescents. “Resentment and revenge don’t work. When you choose forgiveness, you are free,” she said.
Other speakers were Jim Tressel, president of Youngstown State University, on “Practical Application of Forgiveness and Apology;” Lorraine Whoberry, crime victim, and Rex Dell, director of clinical service at MCJC, on “Heal My Wounds, Leave Me Scars – A Mother’s Fight for Justice and Journey to Forgiveness;” and Jennifer Merritt, director of alternative education for Mahoning County Educational Service Center, “Sowing the Seeds of Forgiveness in our Youth: Teaching our Youth how to Forgive.”