Day camp helps children who are grieving

By LINDA M. LINONIS

linonis@vindy.com

youngstown

Talking, sharing and making memory boxes help children cope after the death of a loved one, a local grief-support coordinator says.

Six- to 12-year-olds will engage in those activities along with others during a three-day day camp, “Stepping Stones to a Better Tomorrow,” planned this month.

Sister Pat Fesler leads the camp. She is grief-support coordinator at Zion Lutheran Church and Higgins-Reardon Funeral Home and a board-certified chaplain who has taken bereavement classes.

This is the second year for the grief camp. Last year, the event attracted about 25 children. Registration is underway for this year’s event, with sign-up requested by Friday.

“But I will take registrations up to the day before” the camp begins, Sister Pat said. The Humility of Mary nun is hoping for a good turnout. She also conducts a monthly gathering on a Saturday at Zion with children in the grief program. She said that activity takes place according to participants’ schedules.

“Ninety-five percent of the children have had a parent die,” Sister Pat said, adding some have lost grandparents. “Kids have the same problem with grief as adults.”

Sister Pat said the camp and monthly sessions have been well-received. “Sometimes their sharing is so deep ... everyone is in tears,” she said. “Children share their feelings from the bottom of their hearts.”

They feel comfortable doing so, Sister Pat said, because the emphasis is on how the gatherings are a “safe place to share.” No matter what is said, it won’t be repeated. “The kids know it’s OK to cry. ... We all need to cry sometimes,” Sister Pat said.

For families going through the terminal illness of a member, Sister Pat said children want to be included. “After a death, some kids express anger because they feel left out if they weren’t there when the loved one died,” she said. “They don’t understand why they were excluded.”

A benefit of the camp and sessions is “children hearing how others dealt with grief and what has helped them.” Sister Pat said beneficial activities include attending some kind of grief program, talking to friends, journaling, drawing and sharing memories of loved ones.

Every child who participates makes a memory box that includes items relating to the deceased loved one – it may include photos, things that belonged to the person or items that relate to the person.

Children have made memory stones as a remembrance of loved ones. “One boy, whose dad was a firefighter, made a stone relating to what his father did,” Sister Pat said, adding the man didn’t die on his job but it was an important aspect of his life and to his son. “Everyone makes a stone differently,” Sister Pat said.

This year, campers will receive a blank, undated calendar. For each month, they can include dates special to them and their loved ones. The calendar will serve as a keepsake of special times. They also will decoupage a glass container, fill it with sand and add an electric tea light. “That will symbolize their loved ones are always in their hearts,” she said.

Sister Pat said she hopes the camp and other sessions “help children find a spark of healing and the realization that they are not alone because other children share their experience.”

She said the activities of making memory boxes, memory stones and calendars serve to show “the loved one will never be forgotten, no matter what.” And, she added, feelings of grief change with time.

“Older children who have been in the group help younger ones,” Sister Pat said. She added children say the sharing helps them feel better and they can cry, but eventually smile and laugh.