PUSKAS: Browns fabulous at frustrating

My daughter Erin was a tad shy of 2 when I realized two things:

1. She was very observant.

2. Watching the Browns was frustrating.

OK, I already knew the second thing. Experience is a great teacher. But letting my frustration out was not teaching Erin good things.

Let me explain:

One day, she was reaching for a “Barney” videotape. Another tape, probably a “Blue’s Clues” episode, was on top of the one she wanted. When she grabbed the “Barney” tape, the other one came down with it and clocked her in the head.

I was watching from across the room and didn’t get there in time to intervene, but I did hear her reaction loud and clear:

“Dammit!”

After making sure there were no lingering effects from her encounter with the tape, I have to admit I chuckled a bit. And then I realized that she had picked up that (bad) word somewhere.

So I resolved to be less vocal about the bad things that happen while watching the Browns play. And since good things don’t tend to happen during those three-hour windows, that pretty much covered all of it.

Fast forward 15 years: Barney and the kids and those insipid songs are memories. Same for Blue and Steve and the replacement guy, Joe, that nobody liked.

Erin is a high school senior now and going on college visits. She’s driving.

But as someone who resists change even when it’s futile, I have to credit the Browns for one thing:

The faces and names change, but the product has been remarkably consistent since 1999.

Consistently bad.

Which brings me to their new uniforms:

There are now 848 uniform combinations and they’re all bad. Not only do the jerseys have “Cleveland” emblazoned above the numbers on the front, but the pants say “BROWNS” down the sides. Why not across the rear ends?

But the uniforms are the least of the Browns’ concerns.

How about a little word association?

Carmen Policy and Dwight Clark. Chris Palmer, Butch Davis, Romeo Crennel and Eric Mangini. Courtney Brown, Gerard Warren, Kellen Winslow Jr. and Greg Little. Mike Holmgren, Brandon Weeden and Trent Richardson.

Pat Shurmur.

He was so bad in two seasons as the coach of the Browns I’m going to mention him twice.

Pat Shurmur.

Was there a worse, more awkward head coach in the NFL over the last decade?

As this season begins, the Browns’ general manager (Ray Farmer) and offensive line coach (Andy Moeller) are serving suspensions. Their best skill player (Josh Gordon) is banned.

Their 2014 first-round draft picks (Johnny Manziel and Justin Gilbert) have contributed little, unless you count off-the-field mistakes. Manziel’s elbow is hurting and Gilbert wrecked his car Friday in a road-rage incident.

It’s the Cleveland Browns. This is what they do.

Deep sigh.

There figure to be many more of those — and maybe some choice words — heard between 1 p.m. and 4 p.m. today across the region.

My daughter — who hasn’t inherited the Browns gene — will be smart enough to spend those three hours doing something else.

It’s too late for me.

Write Vindicator Sports Editor Ed Puskas at epuskas@vindy.com and follow him on Twitter, @EdPuskas_Vindy.