Free thinking was path to grow faith

I’ve challenged and, ultimately, affirmed my faith over the past 30 years. Though I’m now comfortable with my beliefs, my spiritual journey took me to places as different as night and day. Or should I say, as different as believer and nonbeliever.

To have a valid spiritual pilgrimage, I felt it necessary to read and understand the arguments of those of no faith, that is, atheists. I read atheist books, listened to their podcasts and watched their debates on YouTube. Atheists effectively challenged my childhood God, that is, the one spoken of in most churches on Sundays. Ironically, spending time studying atheism may have been the most rewarding path in my journey.

I couldn’t ignore legitimate questions such as “If God is all good and all powerful, then why does he allow suffering“ along with so many other God-related enigmas. It wasn’t my nature to accept the simplistic explanations that “God works in mysterious ways,” or “you’ll find out when you die” (that one from my Catholic grade-school nuns!)

Atheists, and research from religious scholars as well, exposed me to contradictions in the Bible, within church doctrine and among Christian denominations.

These questions and criticism deserved a response. I wouldn’t run away from them. Others suggested that I just ignore the questions and the doubt they raised by telling me to “just believe.” But I wanted — no, needed — an honest faith, not a blind one. Besides, accepting what I was told from childhood was a big part of the problem.

I found it increasingly difficult to rely on church doctrine, creeds or basic “Sunday pulpit” teachings in the effort to grow my faith. If that works for others, so be it. It didn’t for me. So, without intention, I became what is known as a free-thinker. How liberating it was.

According to Merriam-Webster, “a free thinker is a person who forms his or her own opinions about important subjects [such as religion and politics] instead of accepting what other people say.” Though this approach involves a lot of study, critical examination and the application of wisdom gained from lived experiences, I was now enabled to grow spiritually. Information revealed by Biblical scholars never threatened my faith; instead, they nourished it. I learned of alternate readings of Scripture that revealed other yet-still-valid and life-changing interpretations of both Jesus and God.

God was now freed from the box that had been placed on him. No longer a “supernatural male in the sky,” for me God has become transcendent — a presence or awareness that exists beyond space and time. Beyond that, I cannot describe the God I have come to understand other than to say, as some Buddhists do, that “God just is!”

In trying to deny the existence of God, atheists are in a winless situation. But so are believers. That’s where faith comes in. Being on the Christian path, however, I do feel I know a vital component of God.

That is God’s “character” as revealed by Jesus — God is love. Rather than worship or ask for his favor, we best honor and thank God whenever we show our love to the poor, the sick, the marginalized, to the “other,” to our neighbor and, yes, even to our enemies. Such expression of love brings us closer to The Divine. And that is something I honestly believe in.

Tom Bresko, retired from Mill Creek Metro Parks, is a Christian on a spiritual pilgrimage.