Absurdist drama plays out in Greece

The only thing missing last Tuesday was a voice from a bullhorn saying, “Step right up!” And it began as a father/daughter act.

While Ivanka introduced him, the ringmaster who goes alternatively by the stage names “Mr. Trump” and “The Donald” stood under a sign that appropriately read: “Currency Exchange.” And when the spotlight shone, he made his grand entrance, descending down an escalator into the pit of an arena that bears his name. There he greeted the children of all ages, notwithstanding that some, according to CNN, were tourists who had to be herded on Fifth Avenue just moments before the show began.

Mr. Trump wasted no time in beginning his routine, a bit of stand-up, noting that some of his opponents, presumably Rick Perry, “didn’t know the air conditioner didn’t work” when they announced, and so “they sweated like dogs.” This left the would-be future leader of the free world to wonder, “How are they going to beat ISIS” if they can’t work the HVAC? Cue the applause – Act I was underway.

Unfortunately for the headliner, the show ran a bit off the rails. Funny that the entertainer who has so often criticized President Obama’s dependence on teleprompters could have used one himself so as to remember his lines and spare the audience a meandering, 40-minute command performance of non sequiturs, humiliation, and snark.

The Donald said Mexico is sending us its rapists (“And some, I assume, are good people”).

He claimed that he now competes with ISIS because they, too, have become rich.

He told us he is able to build websites for $3.

Called our political leaders “stupid.”

Said he will be “the greatest jobs president that God had ever created.”

Then, for his next trick, he said, “I’m really rich,” before brandishing a one-page document that he claimed demonstrated a net worth of nearly $9 billion, presumably written in invisible ink.

‘SNL’ CONUNDRUM

The show was so narcissistic and gauche that one wonders if, over at 30 Rock, Lorne Michaels, executive producer of “SNL,” grew worried that Mr. Trump had more accurately caricatured himself than any actor ever could.

This was the Broadway rollout of a routine that debuted online, for the private amusement of the three million Twitter followers of @realDonaldTrump. Here’s a sample of what he’s written over the last few years:

Vaccines: “No more massive injections. Tiny children are not horses – one vaccine at a time, over time.”

The president: “Sadly, because President Obama has done such a poor job as president, you won’t see another black president for generations!”

The 2012 election: “This election is a total sham and a travesty. We are not a democracy!”

Climate change: “The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive.”

Perhaps he knows that if he can make it in New York, he can make it anywhere. And why not? This type of act seems perfectly suited to play in America’s larger venues while competitive acts audition in smaller halls. Consider that the night of The Donald’s launch, Jeb Bush was in the political equivalent of Cleveland, “slow jamming” the news with Jimmy Fallon

That this is what an American presidential race looks like in 2015 can be blamed not on the jesters, but on the citizens who sit on the sidelines and surrender the stage to the loudest actors and deepest pockets. According to the American Presidency Project, only 54.87 percent of Americans of voting age participated in the 2012 presidential general election. How can the remainder be expected to remember to vote on a Tuesday when, after all, “The Bachelorette” airs Monday nights, and “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” is televised Wednesdays? Instead, we leave the heavy lifting to the modern-day incarnation of the Barnums and the Baileys, the polarized punditry.

The rest can’t be disturbed with the day-to-day, unless, of course, there are serious questions to be answered, such as whether Hillary left a tip at the Chipotle in Maumee, Ohio. And, of course, it takes money to stage this presidential production, for which we can thank the producers whose names sometimes don’t show up in the credits: Koch, Adelson, Friess, and Soros.

It’s a tough world for the understudies. Aspiring talent with names like Pataki. How frustrating it must be to toil as the Republican governor of a very large, very blue state, only to see your klieg light stolen by the host of “The Celebrity Apprentice.” Instead, a la “Dancing With the Stars,” participants in the first debate Aug. 6 will be determined by polls driven by name ID, and Mr. Trump might get a leading role, despite being unfavorably viewed by 57 percent of Republicans, according to three recent polls.

Of course, in the end, he is a numbers cruncher who will want to see the box-office draw. It’s likely that this show will be closing early, before the unwashed masses write their own reviews from inside a ballot booth. Maybe he has another surprise in store for us? A disappearing act. But not yet. He’s just rolled the opening credits. That will come in Act III, after we’ve had a chance to consume many more beers and eat some peanuts.

Thomas Jefferson is credited with saying, “The government you elect is the government you deserve.”

If you don’t like the quality of the production, it’s not Mr. Trump’s fault. It’s ours.

Philadelphia Inquirer

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