Cousin finds boy’s sleeping situation very odd

Dear Annie: Over the holidays, I stayed at my cousin’s home. My cousin has two children, a daughter and a son. The son is 14 years old.

I noticed that the boy’s grandmother slept with him in the same bed. I think she has a weird obsession with the boy. She pays very little attention to the younger granddaughter. Worse, the granddaughter told me that her mother also sometimes sleeps with her brother (instead of her dad).

I think it is extremely odd for these women to be sleeping with this young man. Isn’t he too old for this? What is wrong with these women? Should I say something?

More Than a Little Grossed Out

Dear More: Yes. We are surprised that a 14-year-old boy wouldn’t object to the sleeping arrangements, and we suspect he will put a stop to it soon. If the mother and grandmother are doing this over the boy’s objections, however, that is inappropriate and potentially abusive. You could ask your cousin about this. You also could mention it to the father, suggesting he step up and protect his son.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Help,” whose husband naps when he gets home then is up half the night. She seems to think everyone can handle regular nighttime hours.

If I slept every night from 11 p.m. to 7 a.m., I would be more tired as the week went on because my body wakes me up multiple times at night. If I get up after eight hours, I often need a nap later because I did not get enough actual sleep.

While I agree that seeing a doctor might be helpful, his wife can also suggest that he stay up all night one time and then try to sleep from 9 p.m. until 7 a.m. He might be able to manage that.

John

Dear John: Why are you getting up so much at night? To use the bathroom? Because something is waking you up? While we understand that not everyone has a “normal” nighttime sleep cycle, a sufficient amount of sleep is important to your health. If the problem is snoring, dry mouth, excessive urination or apnea, please see a doctor. But also check your bedroom to make sure there isn’t a lot of light or noise, or electronic gadgets that glow or vibrate. This, too, can interfere with restful, restorative sleep.

Dear Annie: I am responding to “Actively Confused,” whose wife battled cancer and now resents his activities.

I am a lung cancer survivor. My wife took care of me for the better part of 18 months. She also worked full time outside the home.

As I progressed, I realized she needed to get out of the house and do things for herself. That was fine. As my mobility improved, I would do things with her even if those weren’t my favorite things. We both knew that I needed to be more active.

Together, my wife and I are getting through this, and we both realize that neither one of us is what we used to be. With her, our children and good doctors, nurses, therapists and prayers, I am still here to try.

Less Active, Not Confused

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