CCRCs are just one option available to seniors

Dear Annie: I was interested in the letter from “Still Stressed Out,” who is the caregiver for parents who insist on remaining at home. You urged seniors capable of making their own decisions to look into continuing-care communities.

Do you realize how much these communities cost? I have been doing research. Most CCRCs require a hefty buy-in fee and then a monthly fee. The fees increase as one moves from independent living to assisted living and then to nursing care.

For those who cannot afford CCRCs, the financial burden might fall on family. There are seniors who cannot depend on that support. There are others whose families are not in a position to help. These seniors may opt to stay in their own homes because they feel they have no other options.

I, too, urge seniors who have the means to explore continuing-care options. I just wish you had raised your readers’ awareness as to how many people do not have those choices.

Another Senior in N.Y.

Dear N.Y.: Assisted living and nursing home care is not cheap. You are right that some continuing-care facilities are pricey. The expensive buy-in is intended to cover the increasing costs of care, and should the person die before using up the buy-in money, it is supposed to be refunded to the family. Nonetheless, most do require an initial outlay that not all folks have, although in many instances, it becomes affordable if these folks sell their homes. Some continuing-care facilities are straight rentals with no buy-in fees. But CCRCs were only one suggestion in our response. Those who don’t wish to move out of their homes can still do a great deal to make their houses more senior-friendly.

Our readers had a great deal to say on the subject of caregiving. Read on:

From Virginia: I feel sorry for those parents. “Stressed Out” is typical of so many people today: selfish and self-centered. Has she forgotten who took care of her when she was an infant? Who did without so she would have anything she needed? I am the daughter of parents who gave everything to raise me. I frequently remind myself that turnabout is fair play.

Texas: I sympathize with “Stressed Out.” Being the caregiver of a person who is selfish, depressed and won’t seek help is hard. Society is too quick to romanticize the caregiving of the elderly as rewarding and wonderful. That is not always the case. It is taboo to say your elderly parents are a burden, when in fact, they are. If the senior is still capable of making decisions but refuses, then the caregiver doesn’t have any power, but still has to take on all of the responsibility. It is indeed stressful.

Lodi: When Dad died, I was left in charge of my difficult mother. When she lost her driver’s license, I sold her car. She didn’t speak to me for weeks. We cleaned out her house and found letters in which she said awful things about us. She recently fell and moved into convalescent care and locked her roommates out of the bathroom. My husband and I are cleaning out our attic and buying a smaller house to make things easier for our kids.

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