‘Bill’ won’t give up harem for her

Dear Annie: I’m in my early 50s, single again after a long 20-year relationship that should have ended sooner.

A year ago, I met a guy I really like, and we’ve been seeing each other seriously since. “Bill” has about a dozen close female friends. He does things like buy them bras and brags that he knows all of their sizes. It hasn’t been a deal breaker because I’ve met most of them, and they really are just friends.

However, it bugs me that we’ll make plans to spend a quiet afternoon together, then one of these girlfriends will text him, and instead of telling me about it or asking me first, Bill will meet up with her (and often her girlfriends), and the next thing you know, I’m stuck sharing him with a bunch of women.

Also, with two of these women, he doesn’t tell me he has seen them until after the fact. Last weekend, he got us tickets to a golf game. I knew he wanted to take a male friend, so I gave up my ticket. It turns out, he had four tickets and took the friend along with two girls. He didn’t tell me he had extra tickets.

When Bill is out with these women, he avoids my calls. He buys them drinks and either lies about it or just doesn’t mention it. He says it’s not cheating if he doesn’t sleep with them. He continues to do this even though I’ve said it seems disrespectful to our relationship.

Am I being unreasonable or just gullible? I’m still in great shape and have had many other offers. I’m ready to settle down in a meaningful relationship, and this is like high school. Thoughts?

Tired of Sharing

Dear Tired: What are you doing with this immature man-child? Do you seriously think he is going to give up his little harem for you? He is not. It’s time to move on.

Dear Annie: My husband and I are close friends with “John and Mary.” John continues to spend money on “toys” he feels he “needs” without Mary’s knowledge. We know this because he shares the information with my husband and shows him the things he has purchased. John has incurred a great deal of debt, and Mary hasn’t a clue because John controls all of the finances. Meanwhile, he gets upset with how much she spends on groceries, gas or household furniture.

My husband and I consider honesty to be a cornerstone of our marriage. It makes us sick that John is not being honest with his wife.

We’ve already encouraged John to tell Mary the truth, and he hasn’t. So do we tell her, or do we just stay out of their business?

Honest BFFs

Dear Honest: Hard as it may be, you need to stay out of this, and your husband should not be admiring John’s “toys.” You can explain to John that Mary will eventually find out and the consequences will be compounded by his lying. He is better off working with her than against her. She could be a supportive partner. You also can suggest he contact Debtors Anonymous (debtorsanonymous.org) for help.

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