‘Bob’ has no interest in being a father

Dear Annie: I’ve been married to “Bob” for 11 years. Once we had our son, “Jack,” everything changed. Bob found excuses not to be home. I can count on one hand the times he did anything with Jack or was home on a weekend during our son’s first five years.

Jack is now 8 and has no real relationship with his father and no desire for one. When he was little and asked where Daddy was, I covered for Bob, but now that Jack is older, he knows what’s what.

Things continue to get worse. Bob makes nearly twice my salary, but won’t give me a dime toward Jack’s clothes or school supplies, let alone birthday presents, although he wants his name on the gifts. He even tries to get out of paying for groceries and babysitters. Bob pays the mortgage and taxes. Everything else is my responsibility. I carry Jack on my health insurance.

I also don’t like to leave Jack alone with his father. If anything goes wrong, Bob blames Jack and ends up hollering at him for ridiculous things like not turning off a light, then lays a guilt trip on him, saying, “Don’t you want to spend time with me?”

I’ve tried talking to Bob. I tell him it’s the parents’ responsibility to make time for their children, not the other way around. He refuses counseling, saying he doesn’t need anyone to tell him how to raise his kid. Jack already has anger issues and acts out.

I am ready to give up on our marriage. Bob and I are more like roommates than spouses. I sometimes think Jack and I would be better off on our own. Any advice?

Sinking Ship in Pennsylvania

Dear Pennsylvania: Bob withholds funds for the support of his family and either neglects or yells at his son. These things can be interpreted as forms of abuse. Bob has no interest in counseling because he has no interest in being a better father. Sometimes leaving this type of situation is healthier than staying. Get counseling for yourself and for Jack and decide your best course of action.

Dear Annie: I’ve been dating ”Joe” for a year. We are both divorced parents. My children are in college; Joe’s 17-year-old daughter lives with him. “Tawny” is a nice young lady, but she relies on us to provide her with a social life.

Tawny attended one semester at a nearby community college. She was fired from her job and basically sits at home all day. She rarely does housework. I understand she is bored and lonely and have suggested she do volunteer work to get out and meet people. Joe is as frustrated as I am. He has spoken to Tawny, but nothing has changed. I don’t mind including her in our plans once in a while, but she expects to go everywhere with us and has attitude if not invited. She even follows us from room to room.

Joe has asked me to move in , but I don’t want to end up resenting Tawny and creating problems with our relationship.

Help

Dear Help: Please do not move in with Joe. Instead, suggest Tawny get counseling for what could be depression. That girl needs guidance, and Joe isn’t providing it.

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