In-laws welcome, but not Mindy

Dear Annie: My wife’s sister is 21, lives with her parents and has extremely violent long-lasting outbursts. ”Mindy” tells everyone she is suicidal, though she has never made any attempt to harm herself. She has psychological issues, yet refuses treatment.

Here’s the problem. Our son will be 2 years old soon, and we want to give him a birthday party. But if his grandparents come, it will be nearly impossible to keep Mindy from showing up. All of her behaviors will certainly occur, as they seem to be brought on in group settings where she is not the focus.

Can her parents do anything to force her to get treatment? How do we handle family gatherings where we want my parents-in-law to come because we adore them, but we can’t tolerate Mindy?

At a Loss

Dear At a Loss: Your wife should speak to her parents and explain that Mindy is not welcome around your son because of her abusive behavior. Mindy should be aware that she is responsible for her actions, and if she feels suicidal, she should speak to a therapist. You cannot decide how your in-laws choose to deal with Mindy, but you can set the boundaries in your own home. Your son’s welfare comes first.

Dear Annie: My mother gave me a set of wine glasses that she received on her wedding day almost 60 years ago. When my nephew married, I gave him these glasses. After six months, the marriage dissolved, and my nephew moved back in with his parents (my brother and his wife). At that time, I asked my nephew to be sure to get the wine glasses in the divorce because I wanted them to stay in the family. That was 10 years ago.

My nephew has remarried. I have attended dinners at my brother’s home, where my sister-in-law served wine in the glasses. Once, she even served a glass to my mother.

Did my nephew have the right to give those glasses to anyone he chose? Can I suggest that if he no longer wants them, I’d like them back so I can gift them to my niece?

Wine-ing in Wisconsin

Dear Wisconsin: When your mother gave you those glasses, did she put restrictions on them? Apparently not. Yet you are doing that to your nephew. Heirloom items should stay in the family, and your nephew is respecting that by giving the glasses to his parents. Please make sure your brother understands that you would like them back should he ever decide to get rid of them.

Dear Annie: My ex-husband could be “Estranged Dad,” whose daughter didn’t invite him to her wedding. Here’s the other side:

As a child, our daughter wanted Dad to take her to see her favorite hockey player. Instead, he took her brothers, saying, ”Hockey isn’t for girls.” When she went away to college, he took money from her account to buy gas to visit her. He once took all of her saved tuition money to pay his back taxes. She had to get a second job and needed an extra two years to graduate.

He will never apologize because he thinks he did nothing wrong.

He wasn’t invited to her wedding and has no clue why.

Mom Who’s Seen Both Sides

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