Hubby’s not sure Facebook message is credible

Dear Annie: My wife and I have been married for 19 years. I have been faithful the entire time, and I would like to think she has been, as well. There have been a few times when she has come home extremely late after going out with “the girls,” and she sometimes comes home an hour or two later than expected after work. She always has an explanation, and although the thought has crossed my mind, I have never accused her of cheating.

I recently received an anonymous message via Facebook saying that my wife has been cheating on me for years, and the message even named the person. It’s a guy we know, and he’s the one who came to mind on those nights when my wife returned home late.

Under normal circumstances, I would dismiss the anonymous message as a prank, but I’m not so sure. Should I confront my wife and ask whether something is going on? Should I just let it be? I’m not sure she’d tell me the truth if she were, in fact, cheating, and more importantly, I’m not sure I really want to know.

Wondering in Winter

Dear Wondering: If you truly don’t want to know and/or you trust your wife, then ignore the anonymous message. But it seems you already are concerned, and the message simply gave voice to your worst fears. So, we think you should speak to your wife. Show her the message. Explain why you are taking it seriously. Ask whether she has anything to tell you. Her response should be reassuring, not defensive.

Dear Annie: I have been with “Darrin” for two years. He is 12 years younger than I am. His mother still drives in from a nearby town in order to clean his house and do his laundry. He has three children who do nothing unless I ask them, and then I’m the mean one.

I try to cook food that his children will like, but even when I supply their requested items, there are tears or complaints. I am frustrated. Darrin used to be romantic and sweet. Now we bicker constantly.

He wants me to give up my friends, my family and my dog, and I don’t want to. He has broken two cellphones and a chair by throwing them at me. I have been bounced off the bed, choked and sent to the hospital for stitches. But he always apologizes and feels terrible afterward.

I know Darrin loves me, but I can’t understand why he acts like this. My family thinks I need to leave. I have tried, but I miss him and know that I won’t find anyone who loves me as much as he does. We tried counseling, but he claimed the counselor “liked me more” and was unfair to him. Am I crazy for staying? Should I try to make things better by being more patient?

Rock and a Hard Place

Dear Rock: Maybe you should wait until Darrin slams you against the wall and kills you. Your boyfriend is an abuser. He doesn’t love you. He loves controlling you. Get out now. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (thehotline.org) and find out the best way to leave before it’s too late. Please.

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