Someplace Safe works to move domestic violence out of the shadows

By SARAH LEHR

slehr@vindy.com

WArren

Each year in the U.S., some 1,100 women die from acts of domestic violence. Linda Baer-Bigley, legal advocate supervisor for Someplace Safe, a domestic violence shelter in Warren, is surprised that number isn’t higher.

“You see so many women who have been beaten within an inch of their lives,” she said. “I mean, they should be dead. I think medical care has actually saved a lot of lives of women that 20 years ago maybe should have died.”

In the United States, one in four women and one in seven men are victims of violence from an intimate partner, according to data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Yet, advocates say that, despite its frequency, domestic violence remains in the shadows.

“I used to have a sign on my desk that said, ‘Domestic violence feeds on silence,’” Baer-Bigley said.

Someplace Safe decided to move metaphorically out of the shadows in 1997 when the shelter relocated from a confidential location on Mercer Street to its current disclosed location at 1540 Tod Ave. NW. The secret location was intended to protect victims from their abusers, but Baer-Bigley said oftentimes abusers found the shelter anyway, while people in need of help could not.

Someplace Safe’s Mercer Street location was a small house with three bedrooms and one bathroom. One night, a woman and her five children came seeking shelter. The beds were full, so they all slept on the floor, Baer-Bigley recalled.

Now, Someplace Safe has six bedrooms and six bathrooms and can house about 30 people at a time. Still, the shelter frequently fills up. When that happens, advocates try to refer people to other shelters in the area. But those shelters often are full as well.

Bonnie Wilson, director of Someplace Safe, and Baer-Bigley both say they’ve seen an increase in demand for protection against domestic violence. The exact reason for this spike eludes them, but Wilson speculated that it could be tied to the area’s rising heroin epidemic.

Baer-Bigley acknowledged that substance abuse seems to be exacerbating the severity of domestic violence. “Drugs and alcohol don’t cause domestic violence, but what we see when drugs and alcohol are involved is more severe injuries,” she said.

Last year, Someplace Safe provided shelter to 108 women and 93 children, Wilson said.

The services offered at Someplace Safe are by no means limited to providing shelter, however. The center has weekly support groups for survivors of domestic violence, offers legal assistance for tasks such as filing for protection orders, works with law enforcement and hosts programs to dispel myths about domestic violence.

Recently, Someplace Safe sponsored the “NO MORE” campaign in which local celebrities spoke out against domestic violence in short public-service announcements.

Signs of domestic violence often escalate gradually and are not limited to physical abuse, advocates say. Someplace Safe urges people to be on the lookout for emotional abuse and, above all, for attempts to use fear to gain control over all aspects of another person’s life. Wilson said abusers oftentimes monitor their partner’s texts, emails and phone calls. Abusers may attempt to justify this behavior by chalking it up to jealousy.

“I always say, ‘That’s not love, that’s abuse,’” Wilson said.

Domestic violence and sexual assault tend to go hand in hand. About 75 percent of the women who come to Someplace Safe have experienced some type of sexual abuse, Baer-Bigley said.

Perpetrators of domestic violence often seize control of a partner’s finances, even if the partner earns his or her own paycheck. Financial dependence is one of many factors that make it difficult for someone to leave a domestic-violence situation.

“Imagine what it would be like having to flee your home, usually in the middle of the night, usually with just the clothes on your back,” Wilson said. “You have little or no self-esteem because for a long time, you’ve been hearing you’re worthless, you’re stupid, nobody else will have you, you’re fat and you’re ugly. If you hear that for so long, you just start believing that.”

Men and women who come to Someplace Safe often end up returning to their abusive partners, but that doesn’t discourage Baer-Bigley.

“I always say, leaving is a process, not an event,” she said. “Whenever they come in, they’re getting a little bit stronger, and they’re leaving here with more information than they came with.”