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New Castle mom talks about parenting a transgendered child
By Sean Barron
YOUNGSTOWN
The Rev. Debra Flint remembered a statement her 3- or 4-year-old daughter, Ellen, made that caught her off-guard.
“She was curled up someplace in the house crying and said one morning, ‘I think I want to be a boy,’” the New Castle, Pa., woman recalled.
That desire grew as Ellen Flint grew. But the perceived stigma of wanting to be a member of the opposite sex meant a lot of fear and depression for her, the Rev. Ms. Flint explained during a presentation Tuesday at St. John’s Episcopal Church, 323 Wick Ave.
Hosting the free, 90-minute gathering was Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays’ Youngstown area chapter.
Ms. Flint, who also is a social worker, noted that Ellen had transformative surgery at age 20 and became a man named Aaron.
As a result, he experienced many difficulties such as failing his classes, dealing with deep depression, being shunned by a few relatives and contemplating suicide. In addition, her former husband wanted nothing to do with him, Ms. Flint added.
Things brightened for Aaron, however, when he attended the New England Culinary Institute in Montpelier, Vt., where he earned a degree in baking and found much greater acceptance among peers and others, she continued.
Afterward, Aaron, 23, moved to Brisbane, Australia, where he’s majoring in social work and psychology at the University of Queensland. He’s also enjoying being accepted for who he is, Ms. Flint said.
“It was a total immersion,” she added. “He’s in a place with people who understand him inside and out.”
In their effort to be authentic, many lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people are exiled, suffer the loss of friends and experience discrimination. Also, 46 percent of them attempt or consider suicide, Ms. Flint noted.
Accessing health-care services is daunting for many because they’re unsure of how they will be treated, Ms. Flint said, noting that many insurance policies fail to cover transitional-surgery costs and hormone treatments.
In addition, she said, many in the LGBT community are kicked out of their homes and not welcome in church, while others no longer want to see reminders of how they were before their sex change.
Nevertheless, “Everybody’s just a person. Gender isn’t all we make it out to be,” she added.
Ms. Flint, along with her son and daughter, Athena, runs the Jane Street Foundation, an organization that provides outreach, education, acceptance and hospitality to LGBT people. She also started The Quiet, a New Castle-based retreat that offers solitude, inner healing and spiritual growth.