Fried ideas inspired at track

Maybe it was because I had been up since 7 a.m. when I typically eat breakfast at the crack of noon.

Maybe it was because I spent much of my weekend crammed into a tiny locker room with middle-aged guys sporting mayonnaise stains.

Maybe it was because I was subsisting on a diet of veggie chips and media room hot dogs made from raccoon snouts.

Whatever, midway through Saturday’s Division I state track meet, inspiration struck.

Just before the 3200-meter run, as some of the state’s best distance runners prepared for their final race, I peeked over at the funnel cake stand and thought, “We can do better.”

Biathlon combines cross-country skiing and rifle shooting. Triathlons combine swimming, running and biking. My idea? The fry-athlon.

Here’s how it works: Runners eat a funnel cake, then run a mile. Then another funnel cake, then another mile. The last one to …

You know what? Never mind. Bad idea. The state track meet is my favorite event of the year, but it can mess with your brain. I find myself doing strange things to stay alert, like writing about a coach’s jorts or eating media room hot dogs or breathlessly tweeting out pictures of McDonald senior Bobby Johnson’s palm, where he wrote “Run 4 God,” “Focus” and his targeted split times.

(If this doesn’t sound that ground-breaking, well, it helps if you’re wading through a lot of “I just wanted to PR” quotes first.)

Now, with what little brainpower I have left, here are my highlights from the last three weeks:

Favorite athletes to watch

McDonald senior Bobby Johnson. (You know how Hollywood actors look when they’re running away from an exploding building in slow motion? Well, after a couple races, that’s what Johnson looks like. Only he’s in first.)

Warren JFK hurdlers Morgan Rice and Chad Zallow and sprinter Carl Zallow. (I’m trying to think if there’s anything in this world I do as well as they run track. Here’s my list: 1. Make fun of media room hot dogs. 2. Drool in my sleep. 3. Get a farmer’s tan during state track meets.)

McDonald senior Jai’Lyn Mosley. (Did you know her sister Joh’Vonnie was named after one of Michael Jackson’s sisters? That’s the type of insight you just won’t find in Bertram de Souza’s column.)

Five favorite athletes to interview

United senior Allison Parks. (She makes you feel like you’ve known her for 10 years.)

Lakeview senior Christopher Edie. (After he qualified for the state meet in the 3200, I felt like I was interviewing someone who just won the lottery.)

McDonald senior Tory Ross. (Best interview on the state’s best team.)

Ursuline junior Alex Carnathan. (Sweetheart.)

Fitch senior Nathan Bowlen (Good dude.)

Did you know?

Johnson, who won a state title in the 3200, has not drank a pop since right after the 2011 state cross country meet. (“I think it was a Pepsi.”) Even more impressive, his last slice of pizza came after the 2013 state cross country meet.

How is that possible? I think I’d be hospitalized with a mozzarella deficiency.

Best T-shirt

A boys discus thrower in Division I was wearing a bright yellow T-shirt that said “I’d rather eat and throw than run and puke.”

So, maybe my fry-athlon idea isn’t for everyone.

Worst T-shirt

One state discus qualifier had her last name, followed by the word “discuss.”

How do you misspell your own event? Also, how is she in the shout?

Either the best or the worst T-shirt

At the Division II shot put, someone was wearing this: “I’m not a Sasquatch, I’m just an Appalachian thrower!”

The shirt also quoted I Samuel 17:49: “And David put his hand into his bag and took from it a stone and slung it.”

Note: If you need to clarify that you’re not a Sasquatch, you’re not David in that story.

Five quotes I loved the most

Rice, on running the 300 hurdles for the last time: “The 400 hurdles [in college] are so much worse, so I might as well appreciate the 300 hurdles while I have them.”

Liberty senior Courteney Lukac, on getting middle school sprinters to try distance: “It’s nice when they’re so young because you can bend their mind.”

McDonald sophomore Iva Domitrovich, whose aunt Mary and uncle Lou are the school’s girls and boys track coaches: “They can yell at me and not get in trouble for it.”

Mosley’s father, Dennis, on where his daughters’ good looks come from: “From me.” (His wife yelled out, “It’s a mixture!”)

McDonald junior Christian Smith, on why he looked up to former Blue Devil Matthias Tayala: “He’s skinny, he beats everyone, he’s awesome.”

Joe Scalzo is a sports writer for The Vindicator. Write to him at scalzo@vindy.com or follow him on Twitter at @JoeScalzo1.