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Special services designed to deal with loss
By LINDA M. LINONIS
For some people, idyllic family images on Christmas cards and joyful carols remind them of a loss they’ve experienced.
Christmas isn’t a happy season, but a time to “get through.”
Some church services address these situations of loss — the death of a family member, ill health, job insecurity and broken relationships.
Sister Pat Fesler, a Humility of Mary nun, is bereavement coordinator for Higgins-Reardon Funeral Homes at sites in Austintown, Canfield, North Jackson and Poland. She will conduct a nondenominational service at 3:30 p.m. Sunday at Zion Lutheran Church in Cornerbsurg that will focus on the loss of a loved one.
“It’s a service of light, music, Scripture and reflection,” she said. She will do a non-sacramental anointing and offer words of comfort.
She said this is the fourth such service she has offered. “When a loved one dies, there is a grieving process. If someone is dying, there is anticipatory grief,” she said.
The service would be beneficial for both adults and children.
“There is a faith-based message,” she said. “It’s about finding the light and hope in each day.”
She cites the passage from John 1:4-5, “In the Word was life, and that life was humanity’s light — a Light that shines in the darkness, a Light that the darkness has never overtaken.”
But, she noted, if people cry or are sad, they are only expressing their feelings. “It’s OK to do that,” she said.
A death, whether recent or years ago, still impacts family members. Traditions may be affected because that person is no longer there. “At Christmas, people can find peace and hope by reaching out to family and friends,” she said. “Realize you are not alone in the process. Don’t be afraid to share memories.”
Sister Fesler said people of faith may avoid going to church because they do not want to be reminded of the death by receiving condolences from church members.
She also noted it is important to recognize that “children grieve as much as adults and must be given time to grieve.”
Sister Fesler conducts a grief group for children. “It touches my heart how they help one another,” she said. Recently, for the Christmas season, children made ornaments in memory of a loved one.
At Heritage Presbyterian Church in Poland, the Rev. Kristin Stroble has planned the first Blue Christmas service for Dec. 21. “The church itself has experienced the loss of members and illness of members,” she said. “There are a lot of emotions.”
The Rev. Ms. Stroble said, “It’s OK to make space for feelings that aren’t joyful.”
She said the service is designed to allow people to feel that sadness but emphasize that “God is with us in good times and bad. We are not alone when we believe in God.”
Pastor Jaimie Milton of First Presbyterian Church of Mineral Ridge said the Dec. 21 Blue Christmas service will “provide a reflective space for people.”
“We have to remember that this time is not happy for everyone,” he said, adding sadness might be caused by the death of a loved one or broken relationship, ill health and job insecurity.
“The service will convey that losses are troubling but realize that there is hope in the birth of Christ,” the pastor said. “When we cry, God cries with us.”
Pastor Milton said difficult times in people’s lives often bring them back to their faith and church. “They find hope in the love that God gives us,” he said.