Come on guys! Play some defense

It’s finally here.

The one weekend of the year when I watch golf on television ... but only on Sunday ... and only the final half-hour or so ... and only if the Masters is close.

Yes, this avowed non-viewer of golf admits that he does watch, but only under certain circumstances.

Come on people. Golf on TV is boring!!!

It’s almost as boring as auto racing in which the cars go around and around and around ... (One significant factor that favors golf over racing is that the golfers aren’t wasting thousands of gallons of gasoline every week.)

I will admit I enjoy the challenge of playing golf. I don’t play often and refuse to spend the money one would need to in order to play enough to become good. And like everyone else who has played, I am familiar with the frustration the game engenders.

But it is not the frustration that causes me to avoid golf on TV. I have many complaints, from the commercials for cars which I cannot afford and investments I will never make, to the hushed tones the announcers use, making it seem like they are in a library. Come on guys, this is a game you are commenting on, not the Cuban Missile Crisis.

But my biggest objection is the fact that no one plays defense. Is there another sports competition in which the competitors have no control over the results of their opponent?

To me, the best part of sports is the defensive side, whether its the obvious like a slide tackle in soccer or a bodycheck in hockey, or the more subtle nuances like the positioning of a baseball outfielder or the angle at which a defensive lineman is aligned in football.

There is a commercial for Dick’s Sporting Goods currently airing — one of the few commercials I don’t immediately switch away from — showing the communication that goes on between pitches in a baseball game. The commercial captures the subtle goings on that help the defense best position its players for the next pitch.

Because in baseball, like most other sports, a team’s defense has the opportunity to stop, or at least negatively affect, the other team.

In golf there is nothing a golfer can do to affect his or her opponents. Perhaps golfers should be permitted to make distracting noises or gestures at their opponent. It would certainly be a test of a golfer’s concentration.

In spite of the game’s shortcomings, I, like so many others, will be glued to my TV set today to see the conclusion of the Masters.

But not until about after I have enjoyed the Indians and Pirates baseball games, plus the NHL game on NBC earlier in the afternoon and the Chelsea-Manchester City FA Cup semifinal in the morning (that’s soccer for those who don’t know).

I will get my share of defense today from those games because I know I’m not going to see any on the golf course.

Doug Chapin is a sports writer at The Vindicator. Email him at dchapin@vindy.com.