Is texting killing the art of conversation?

Associated Press

CHICAGO

Anna Schiferl hadn’t even rolled out of bed when she reached for her cellphone and typed a text to her mom, one recent Saturday. Mom was right downstairs in the kitchen. The text? Anna wanted cinnamon rolls for breakfast.

Soon after, the 13-year-old could hear her mom’s voice.

“Anna,” Joanna Schiferl called, “if you want to talk to me, come downstairs and see me!”

Anna laughs about it now. “I was kind of being lazy,” the teen concedes.

Statistics from the Pew Internet & American Life Project show that, these days, many people with cellphones prefer texting over a phone call. It’s not always young people, though the data indicate that the younger you are, the more likely you are to prefer texting. That’s creating a communication divide, of sorts — the talkers vs. the texters.

Some would argue that it’s no big deal. What difference should it make how we communicate, as long as we do so?

But many experts say the most successful communicators will, of course, have the ability to do both, talk or text, and know the most appropriate times to use those skills. And they fear that more of us are losing our ability to have — or at least are avoiding — the traditional face-to-face conversations that are vital in the workplace and personal relationships.

“It is an art that’s becoming as valuable as good writing,” says Janet Sternberg, a professor of communication and media studies at Fordham University in New York.

In the most-extreme cases, she’s noticed that more students don’t look her in the eye and have trouble with the basics of direct conversation — habits that, she says, will not serve them well as they enter a world where many of their elders expect an in-person conversation, or at the very least a phone call.

As Anna, the 13-year-old, sees it: “There are people you’ll text, but won’t call. It’s just awkward that way. It’s not about anything important — just a way to stay in touch with each other.”

Experts say there is, of course, nothing wrong with casual conversation and fun between friends. One could argue that the constant banter keeps people more connected. The problem, communication experts say, is that the conversation isn’t particularly deep — and therein lies the problem, says Joseph Grenny, co-author of the book “Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.”

“The core problem has existed since we’ve had telephones — probably since the time of a telegraph,” Grenny says. “We loathe having crucial conversations.”

That applies to any generation, he says. Texting is just the latest way to do that.

Though they may not always be so good at deep conversations themselves, Grenny suggests that parents model the behavior for their children and put down their own mobile devices. He says they also should set limits, as Anna’s mom did when she enforced the “no texting to people under the same roof” rule.

Sternberg, at Fordham, asks her students to give up one form of electronic communication to see what kind of difference it makes in their lives.

She also has them practice simple tasks such as standing up in a room full of people and introducing themselves. Many of them hate the drill, she says, but later tell her how useful it was, especially in the workplace.

Interestingly, Anna’s mom, Joanna Schiferl, is more worried about the effect that texting is having on her daughter’s writing skills than her social skills. Anna tends to rush her writing and pays less attention to grammar, or uses abbreviations she’d use in a text. It is a common observation among parents.

So the key, experts say, is to recognize your weak point and work on developing a wide range of communication skills.