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Advocacy group sheds light on child sexual abuse
YOUNGSTOWN
A North Side woman opened her niece’s cellphone earlier this month only to discover one of every parent’s worst fears.
The 12-year-old child said she had been molested by an uncle and was relating the story to a friend via text message.
The uncle reportedly assaulted the preteen in the middle of the night during a sleepover just days before the text message was discovered, but the girl did not come to her parents or aunt with the information. She chose instead to confide in a friend, who could offer no real advice.
The young victim’s response is not uncommon.
According to Darkness to Light, an advocacy group for abused children, 40 percent of victims who disclose abuse tell a close friend rather than an adult or authority figure.
These “friend-to-friend” disclosures do not always result in reports to the authorities, leaving the vast majority of child-sexual-abuse incidents unreported.
Cases such as this are the reason Delphine Baldwin-Casey says children at an early age must know what inappropriate touching is and whom to talk to should inappropriate behavior take place.
Baldwin-Casey, a retired Youngstown police officer who has been involved in educating youths about sexual abuse and incest, was speaking with a group of children when she realized the importance of educating the children and how prevalent these situations are in the lives of some of them.
“I was speaking on the conduct of abuse being physical, verbal and nonverbal, teaching words like sexual battery, incest and rape,” she said. “Those definitions started bringing things out of kids that were happening outside of school.”
She also said the importance of making kids understand incest became clear when one boy confided that he had been inappropriately touched by his father, a girl said she was pregnant by her stepfather, and another girl said her father had been touching her during unsupervised visits to his home.
“You realize kids need to be educated at a much earlier time about sexual abuse. Some kids don’t even realize this is abuse that is going on,” she said. “When you have kids who are in school facing these types of situations, it is very hard for them to study and stay focused. Many times, no one has any idea what is going on.”
Darkness to Light advocates communication between children and multiple trusted adults to minimize chances of sexual abuse.
Good communication may decrease a child’s vulnerability to sexual abuse and increase the likelihood that the child will tell if abuse has occurred, the organization says.
Cindi McElhinney, director of programs at Darkness to Light, says it is good to teach children about their bodies, about what abuse is, and, when age-appropriate, about sex.
“Start very early, as early as when you start teaching about body parts. Teaching eyes, ears and nose should include a discussion of private parts,” she said.
McElhinney said it is important to teach the difference between good secrets and bad secrets, and that it is OK to say no to inappropriate behavior.
Baldwin-Casey said parents must have repeated discussions starting at an early age — as early as 3 — when the child can understand what his or her body parts are.
That must be done, she said, to foster a relationship in which children come to them or a trusted person instead of a friend or no one at all if something takes place.
Baldwin-Casey said the discussion should include an explanation of what body parts are off limits to others. She said it also must be made clear to the child that no one should be able to scare them into not telling a parent or another trusted adult when suspected inappropriate behavior occurs.
When a child does come to an adult with an implication or what could be disturbing news, McElhinney said it is important that the listening adult stay calm and not bring anxiety to the child.
She said the adult should make sure the child understands that he or she is being taken seriously and should also be thanked for coming forward with the information.
“We are trying to create an environment where they know it’s OK to tell and that it is not their fault,” she said.
Baldwin-Casey agrees.
“When people come to you for help, you have to empower them,” she said. “A lot of times there are things kids tell you that there is absolutely no way they could make it up.”
Statistically, about 4 percent of abuse claims prove to be false. That number is increased with older children and couples involved in custody disputes.
Police are investigating the sexual assault of the 12-year-old North Side girl, but Baldwin-Casey said the goal is to hear about these abuses directly from the child instead of the chance finding of a text message.