Through her writing, author has helped herself while .. HELPING OTHERS HEAL

By Stephanie Ottey

Special to The Vindicator

CANFIELD

Marilyn Burns believes that everything happens for a reason, and she has reason to believe so.

A counselor in Canfield by day, Burns never planned on being an author. After a period of tumult and despair, however, she has found a peace and purpose in writing.

Born and raised in Youngstown, Burns graduated from Youngstown State University with the intentions of being an elementary schoolteacher.

While working toward her master’s degree, she tutored in the university’s College Study Reading Skills Program. There she learned that many students struggling to read also suffered from emotional issues. Wanting to help in every way, Burns acquired a second master’s degree — in community counseling — and has worked in the mental- health field for 34 years.

Burns first began writing in November 1999, spurred by some unexpected inspiration. “I woke up one morning and had dreamt this book — every detail, cover and all. That day, I left work early, sat at my computer and just started writing,” she said.

A children’s story about death and grief resulted. “I actually sobbed as I wrote it. I was immediately, emotionally connected to it.”

Soon, Burns learned why. She sent the story to be reviewed by a publisher and as she waited for a response, tragedy struck. On Jan. 1, 2000, her father died. “Writing that story prepared me for dealing with my father’s death. It was like a dress rehearsal for what was to come.”

Unfortunately, more bad news soon followed. On Jan. 4 of that same year, Burns received notice from the publisher that it would not be publishing her book. Though the editor who read it liked the story, Burns said the company feared that the prevalent Christian themes in the book would not be well-received by audiences. She put the idea of publishing to the back of her mind, and soon the book was altogether forgotten.

In the next years, Burns focused on her work as a counselor and directing Treat Yourself, a holistic health center she built that offered various choices for developing a healthy mind, body and spirit.

She also focused on loving and raising her two sons, Jason and Christopher. Here, Burns faced her next big challenge. In the mid-2000s, Christopher fought with an opiate addiction. In April 2007, at age 23, he lost his fight.

Burns struggled to cope with losing her youngest child. She sank to the deepest part of her heart and grieved until an idea broke through: write.

Burns said Christopher was in her heart, urging her to use his example, share his story and help people the way he couldn’t help them when he was alive. She ignored the idea for quite some time. “I waited a while. I couldn’t come near the idea of writing a book. I didn’t want to put myself through the pain of losing Christopher again,” she said.

The thoughts, however, were relentless. “The thoughts were so persistent that I couldn’t say no — I had to do it.”

Burns made the brave decision to transform Christopher’s room into a writing sanctuary. She painted the walls lavender and yellow, hung the Italian peace flag where the head of Christopher’s bed would have been, put a desk at his window and began to write on his computer. “Being in that room, I felt a lot about what he felt,” she explained. “I captured his energy.”

Burns began at the end, writing about her son’s death first in order to confront the horror head on. “I was afraid to write and relive his death, so that’s what I started with.” Once that daunting task was completed, she broke the rest of his life — and her experiences in his life — into chapters.

The result is a raw and honest depiction of grief and coping. Originally titled “Me, I’m Special,” the book was self-published through Amazon.com in 2010 as “Lost No More: A Mother’s Spiritual Journey Through Her Son’s Addiction.” In it Burns bravely bares herself, her thoughts and beliefs. She writes in the most human way, with imperfect grammar, personal anecdotes and unfiltered honesty.

“It took a while to write,” she confessed. “It was cathartic for me.” The result is a bold revelation in grief. More healing came from the knowledge that she had helped her son achieve a dream. “He wanted to help people, and he couldn’t have helped in the condition he was in. Now he can,” she explained.

Burns began promoting her book with staged readings and book signings. One particular signing inspired her to continue on her path as an author. “My signing was scheduled at the same time as another author’s, and people were getting us mixed up. She wanted to know who was on the other side of the confusion and came to see me.” They spoke, discovered some similarities, and Burns got the boost she needed to continue as an author.

After a year of success with “Lost No More,” Burns took the first story she wrote in 1999 to a new publisher. The book, titled “Now I Lay Him Down To Rest,” was immediately accepted. Some simple illustrations were added to tell the story of a young boy who suddenly loses his father, and it was published through Warren Publishing in October 2011.

This new book has not received the attention that the first got, but Burns is hopeful that it will have the same effects. “It just got started, so I don’t know what’s going to happen with it. I wish I could do more to get it going,” she said.

There are limitations through the publisher that thwart her personal ability, but there is talk of placing the book in clinics, hospitals and churches to help children and adults who are grieving in the situations they need it most. For the meantime, both “Lost No More” and “Now I Lay Him Down to Rest” are available for purchase through Amazon.com and locally at Barnes & Noble.

The steps and events that led Burns to become an author were unexpected and tragic, but she maintains a strictly positive attitude about everything she’s faced. “The gift I’ve been given through all of this is knowing there’s nothing to be afraid of. You can take on things that seem impossible. That’s my silver lining,” she said.

She hopes to continue inspiring and helping people through counseling, and perhaps writing as well. “I have two other manuscripts sitting upstairs ... maybe I’ll think about doing something with them one day.” Burns also aspires to lecture in schools about addiction, grief and spirituality.

Whatever happens, the work she has already done has helped a number of people, herself included. “Without all of this I couldn’t have grown as a person. I very much believe that everything happens for a reason. I’m stronger now spiritually than before, and my grief and personal growth help in my practice as well. I’ve heard really neat stories from people who have read my books, and I hope they continue to help anyone struggling with grief and addiction.”