Reality TV creepy

Opinion: September 9, 2011 at 12:00a.m.

By John Kass

Chicago Tribune

National courtroom gossip Nancy Grace will have her name in lights on “Dancing With the Stars.”

“It could be worse,” said one guy at work. “You could be watching Nancy Grace on ‘The Bachelorette.’”

Perhaps.

In her professional life, Grace is always on the lookout for some sensational criminal trial. When she finds one, she proceeds to strip every bit of flesh from the bones of said accused.

But now she’ll be on the dance floor, in one of those sexy ballroom dancing skirts slit up to here, in the arms of some sweaty dance partner named Mario or Fabio or whomever, and I just hope somebody tapes it and tells me about it later.

Because I’m too afraid to watch.

Flouncy skirt

I would no more watch Grace in a flouncy skirt than I would sit in a dark room, stare into a mirror and repeat “Nancy Grace, Nancy Grace, Nancy Grace” until she leaps out to condemn me.

Yes, it’s the fear factor. Not of Grace in particular, who in private may indeed be warm and kind, the sort of person who’d lovingly strip all the flesh from your bones.

What scares me is reality TV in general. I just can’t take the creepiness.

A few years ago, the former first lady of the state of Illinois appeared on one such program. It was a “survival”-type show set in the jungle. Would-be celebrities like Lou Diamond Phillips dealt with the elements.

Our former first lady ate bugs for money, cried and, even worse, had a mawkish heartfelt discussion with other almost-celebrities, including former NBA player John Salley, and everyone oozed sincerity.

So I vowed never to watch another one again. I’ve missed the steamy Mediterranean catfights of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey.” I’ve missed the wife-swap show in which men trade in reasonably cool wives for illiterate she-devils.

One constant? They’re all the modern equivalent of the carnival geek show, and afterward, viewers feel better because their lives aren’t as terrible as the lives on TV.

Kass is a columnist for the Chicago Tribune. Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune.