ANNIE’S MAILBOX: Wife’s fighting causes friction


May 14, 2011 at 8:37a.m.

By Kathy Mitchell

and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: Two years ago, my wife and our 25-year-old daughter had a falling out right after our son’s wedding.

They talk during family get-togethers, but otherwise haven’t spoken in six months.

Meanwhile, my newly married son moved to his wife’s hometown five hours away.

My wife is convinced that our daughter-in-law is scheming to create a family rift and is manipulating the fights with our daughter.

I don’t agree, but my wife says I must take her side and have nothing to do with our kids until they apologize to her.

This has caused tremendous friction in our marriage.

We have tried couples counseling with little success.

Short of walking away after 32 years, I don’t know what to do.

Caught in the Middle

Dear Caught: Your wife could be right about the daughter-in-law, but even so, it serves no purpose to demand an apology from someone who isn’t likely to give one. Your wife also sounds like a difficult person. Has she always been like this? Some women have extreme mood swings during menopause. Please ask your wife to see her gynecologist about this possibility. We also recommend informing her that you will absolutely not take sides.

Dear Annie: My husband and I regularly send checks or gift cards to our grandchildren on their birthdays and at Christmas.

The older the children become the less often we receive any acknowledgment.

Should I say anything?

Disappointed Grandmother

Dear Grandmother: Of course. Children need to be taught the importance of acknowledging a gift. If their parents have not done so, it is perfectly OK for you to call, text or e-mail your grandchild and say, “Did you receive the gift I sent for your birthday? Did you like it? Please let me know.”

Dear Annie: I am a retired probation officer and have some suggestions to “Marriage on the Rocks,” whose 51-year-old stepson lives rent-free in their trailer and may be using drugs.

  1. Call the police and have their drug team search your property for drugs or paraphernalia. If the stepson has any illegal substances, he goes to jail. Police don’t need a warrant if you invite them to search your property.

  2. Sell or put the trailer in storage.

  3. Set conditions for the stepson to live at home, and enforce them. If he doesn’t abide by the terms, enroll him at a homeless shelter.

  4. Get a blood test to check for drugs, and make the tests sporadic and unannounced. If he tests positive for an illegal substance, kick him out.

  5. When you kick him out, do it with a crisis-intervention team, and let him leave for treatment with the crisis-intervention counselor.

Shaggy

Dear Shaggy: Your suggestions are strict but reasonable, but we doubt Mom will go along.

E-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.

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