ANNIE’S MAILBOX: ‘Theo’ needs to focus on problem

By Kathy Mitchell

and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: I married “Theo” three years ago. The marriage started out OK, but then I discovered he had a drug addiction. After a great deal of pushing from me, Theo finally got clean two years ago.

The problem is, he has not held down a job since he moved in with me six years ago, while I have worked a full-time third shift to support my children and household. It’s not enough to make ends meet.

Our utilities have been turned off, we have had multiple vehicles repossessed, and we have been evicted more than once. We recently began sharing living space with my sister and her two kids, but lately, we’ve had difficulty paying our portion of the rent.

I have screamed, begged, pleaded, cried and even cussed him out, telling him to get a job, to no avail.

He uses the excuse that he doesn’t have a GED and can’t get a job that will pay him what he “deserves.” I don’t care if he takes a minimum-wage job as long as he contributes enough so we don’t keep losing our home.

We have been through marriage counseling, and even our pastor told Theo to get a job. He tried, briefly, but was fired after two days because he insisted on telling his supervisor what to do.

I am fed up. Am I wrong to lose patience? Theo did manage to get clean and start attending church. Maybe I need to give him more time. I can’t do this by myself. I have been considering a divorce, but it’s not what I want. What do I do next?

Frustrated Christian

Dear Frustrated: More time isn’t going to help unless Theo addresses the underlying problem. We think he’s depressed and is deliberately sabotaging his job efforts. In fact, Theo’s drug use may have camouflaged depression if it was a form of self-medication. Ask him to discuss this with his doctor and pastor and get an appropriate, low-cost referral.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Thrown for a Loop,” whose husband was seen having lunch with another woman, as well as all the responses to that letter.

One day, my wife received a telephone call from a friend, informing her that I was at a restaurant with another woman. My wife replied, “Yes, he is having lunch with ‘Lindsey,’” a young woman I was mentoring.

Perhaps we appeared suspicious because we were laughing and having a good time. Does that portend an affair? I hope not, because during my 42-year professional career, I sometimes went to lunch with women colleagues. I never failed to telephone my wife in advance, telling her who I was lunching with.

I greatly appreciate my wife’s trust, which has enriched my life and allowed me to enrich the lives of others. Our mutual trust strengthened the bonds of our marriage. Next year we will celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary.

Washington

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