ANNIE’S MAILBOX: Marriage is getting worse, not better

By Kathy Mitchell

and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: I have been with my husband for more than 25 years. During that period, he has cheated countless times, left me for other women and developed a crack habit. I have tried to stick it out because I believe marriage is for better or worse.

Right now is definitely “worse.” He will not admit that he has a problem. He hangs out with shady individuals who knock on our door day and night. He cannot pay the bills because he spends the money on drugs. He constantly accuses me of cheating.

We share the same bed and try to be cordial to each other. But we are like roommates. I know it is over. I have no money, no car and no job, so I do not see a way out of this. I have been trying to find affordable housing for my daughters and me, but it’s impossible without an income.

He is not willing to leave, and I have no place to go. How can I get over him while we are living in the same house?

Lost

Dear Lost: Many states have job-training programs for women in your position. Call the governor’s office or your state Dept. of Labor and ask. Most states also offer 2-1-1 phone lines that can direct you to resources, including low-cost legal assistance. And please reach out to your family, church and local community centers for help.

Dear Annie: After 40 years of mental abuse, I ended the toxic relationship with my mother in order to keep my hard-won sobriety. Except when absolutely necessary, we have not spoken in more than 10 years.

The problem is what to say when someone asks, “How is your mother?” I reply honestly, “I don’t know. We don’t speak.” My husband says I should simply say, “She’s fine,” and leave it at that. What is the best way to handle such inquiries?

Better Off Without Mom

Dear Better Off: If you don’t mind telling people that you are not speaking to your mother, it’s fine to say so, as long as it doesn’t provoke a long-winded lecture. We recommend a slightly altered response: “I don’t know. I haven’t spoken to her recently.”

Dear Annie: I think you blew it with “Tatted,” the girl who got a tattoo and was afraid to tell her dad. I agree that she should tell him right away, but to say it was OK because she is an adult is ludicrous.

Just because you are 18 doesn’t make you an adult. If she is living with her father, she has to abide by his rules. When you can support yourself, pay your own bills and live separately, you can get your tattoo.

Bill

Dear Bill: Your analogy only goes so far. Dad can certainly ask his daughter to move out over this. Even if you believe she is immature, she is in fact a legal adult and entitled to pay for her own tattoo. If Daddy never allows her to make her own choices — good or bad — she will never learn to be responsible.

E-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.

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