ANNIE’S MAILBOX: Betrayal by ‘Betty’ has cost his trust

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: I am a 65-year-old male who has been involved in an exclusive relationship for the past four years. “Betty” is 56, and we get along great, travel frequently and have an active sex life.

Several months ago, I began to notice that Betty was becoming quite distant, emotionally and physically. I was frustrated, but didn’t make a big deal out of it. However, quite by accident, I discovered that she was active on a dating website. Upon further snooping, I discovered four months of e-mail exchanges with another man. Some of the e-mails were quite intimate, and a few had sexual references. I was devastated, to say the least.

I confronted Betty, and she initially denied it. But when presented with the evidence, she confessed. She said she met the guy twice but nothing sexual happened. I believe her. She said the relationship died out on its own, and the e-mails seem to confirm this. She says she loves me and wants to work it out.

I will forgive her, but I’m having a hard time with it. I simply can’t get her betrayal off my mind and worry that I will never be able to trust her. How does one forget? How does one repair what has been lost?

Lost that Trusting Feeling

Dear Lost: It takes time, but it can be done. You must make a conscious effort to push this betrayal out of your mind, and Betty needs to be completely transparent and honest in all her dealings. Her behavior must be beyond reproach since she has to earn your trust again. If you cannot get there on your own, please talk to a counselor, preferably with Betty, and work on this together.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Not in the Cards,” whose husband was seriously ill. She wanted his family to be updated about his medical condition, but they gave her a hard time about it.

I want to let your readers know about Caring Bridge (caringbridge.org). It is a free website, supported solely by donations, that allows caregivers or family members to keep friends and family updated on the medical progress of someone with a critical health issue.

My daughter has been using the Caring Bridge website to keep us updated on the progress of our “tiny angel” (our granddaughter), who was born after 24 weeks gestation, weighing only a pound. Our granddaughter is doing amazingly well, and we are all thankful that Caring Bridge has allowed family and friends all over the country to see pictures and read the journal of her progress. There were days when our granddaughter’s progress was hard to talk about. The website has been a godsend and has saved my daughter from the stress of many phone calls and e-mails during this difficult time.

Grateful Nana

Dear Nana: Thank you so much for letting our readers know about this useful and compassionate website. Our thoughts and prayers are with your family.

E-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.

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