ANNIE’S MAILBOX: Venting by ‘Diane’ may hurt friendship

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: I am a divorced woman in my 50s and have been dating a man for months. I feel close to “Darryl,” and he gives many signs that we are headed for a long-term relationship.

Darryl and I have started socializing with another couple (“Diane and George”) who are longtime friends of his. I enjoy them. Darryl has told me that he likes Diane more than George, and that Diane calls him a lot. He said that one of their main topics is George and the sometimes-derogatory way he treats Diane. Although I am a little jealous, I believe Darryl when he says it’s purely a friendship, and that Diane needs someone to whom she can vent.

Am I wrong to think this topic should be avoided? I think Diane’s problems with George would be better served if discussed with a professional. Otherwise, she puts Darryl in the middle, forcing him to be two-faced with George. I am not sure how to say this to Darryl without seeming insecure.

Getting Beyond Jealousy

Dear Beyond: There are inherent risks in being the confidante of someone who constantly complains. You are right that if Diane is having relationship problems, a counselor would probably be more helpful. Tell Darryl you think he is wonderful to listen to Diane’s kvetching, but you are concerned it will wreck his friendship with George without resolving Diane’s problems. He should suggest to her that she see a counselor who will help her.

Dear Annie: While staying overnight for a visit, my girlfriend’s 18-year-old daughter was given an alcoholic drink by her aunt. She did not have permission from the girl’s mother, and she is under the legal drinking age of 21. Am I so out of step that I’m the only one who thinks this is wrong?

California Cal

Dear California: You are overstepping. We do not approve of giving underage children alcohol, although we are well aware that plenty of 18-year-olds drink. And having a family member provide those drinks gives tacit permission from a respected authority figure, and this is a bad idea. Her mother should handle it, and you should say nothing more.

Dear Annie: Please tell “Deleted Many Years Ago, Just Didn’t See It” not to give up arranging the family gatherings. Her siblings likely appreciate it more than she knows.

Some people are good organizers and can get others to show up when they otherwise might be reluctant to do so. I come from a big family and really appreciate my sister, who pulls our family together. If not for her, I probably wouldn’t keep in touch. I’d intend to call “tomorrow” or visit “next month” and never get around to it. And the whole time, I’d be deeply missing the moments when my sister brought us together.

Maybe a Follower, but a Great Supporter

Dear Follower: Show this letter to your sister so she knows how much she is appreciated.

E-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.

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