ANNIE’S MAILBOX: His wife enables her son ... who’s 51

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: I am having a problem. Please do not suggest counseling, because I tried, and my wife won’t even consider it.

We married 17 years ago, when we were in our mid-50s. She had two grown children, and I had none. There wasn’t supposed to be any baggage. However, a few months after our wedding, her son’s wife kicked him out for cheating — with men and women. For the past 10 years, we’ve had nothing but problems with this guy. He is a drunken bum, and I suspect he is doing hard drugs. He has had a few jobs, none for long. His temper gets him fired every time.

We are retired on Social Security and my military pension. For some reason, this 51-year-old guy thinks I should support him. He lives in my travel trailer and draws food stamps. He takes enough odd jobs to pay for his bad habits, but no matter what he earns, he is back here needing money for gas or groceries, and of course, Mommy will not say no. She enables him and makes excuses. As a result, we fight continuously.

My stepson is eligible for medical care at the VA. He is HIV-positive and uses that as the reason he is a loser. We are at the point of divorce. Any suggestions?

Marriage on the Rocks

Dear Marriage: Some parents believe that enabling their children is a way to help them. It is not. It enfeebles them and makes them dependent. Unless you can convince your wife of this, the situation will not change. Your choice is to give up or walk away. If you want to see a counselor for help with that decision, your wife does not need to go with you. We also suggest you urge your stepson to take advantage of the counseling and medical services through the VA.

Dear Annie: I am a high school student. I’ve tried asking others what to do, but no one will listen. At school, there are boys who call me ugly and fat, and curse at me. I’ve talked to counselors at school, but maybe everyone would be better off if I just left. Please help.

Hurt

Dear Hurt: This is a textbook case of bullying. Please talk to your parents, and ask them to speak to the principal and insist that the school intervene. In the meantime, hold your head up, ignore these immature boys, and check out kidpower.org, kidshealth.org and stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov for helpful suggestions.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Wisconsin,” the widow whose friends showed up for the funeral, but have disappeared.

I had the same problem. I put an ad in the local paper asking widows and single ladies to contact me to start a social group. The response was terrific. We called ourselves the SOLOS and had a meeting every month. We became a tight-knit group, developed strong friendships and helped each other. That was nine years ago, and our group is still growing.

Alone and Happy in North Carolina

E-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.

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