ANNIE’S MAILBOX: Leave abusive ‘Ralph’ right now

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: I have been married to “Ralph” for 14 years. I have one daughter from a previous relationship, and Ralph and I have six together. My oldest daughter is now 18, but Ralph became physically abusive of her starting when she was 9. I was always afraid to stop it because I thought he would turn on me. He has been verbally abusive of me for the past 10 years. When he hurt our 3-year-old son, I told him to stop, but he threatened to harm me if I stood up to him again.

Ralph insults our kids, and they have been afraid of him for years. This past summer, we went on vacation with his family, and this is when he physically assaulted me. Our children were terrified, and I didn’t know what to do.

I’ve had two miscarriages, survived thyroid cancer, had a partial hysterectomy and am being watched for breast cancer. I help Ralph run his business, and I do everything for the kids. He does nothing. We have gone for counseling, but it hasn’t helped, and now I have panic attacks. I love my husband, but don’t think I can handle living with him anymore. He won’t go for anger management counseling, saying he doesn’t “fit into that category.”

I don’t have a job yet, although I am almost done with my degree. Ralph reads your column. Please help him see what needs to be done.

Lost and Confused

Dear Lost: We hope you see this before Ralph does. This message is for you. Get out. Your husband is an abuser who is not interested in making the difficult changes necessary to improve the lives of his family. Why should he? There are no consequences for him. Meanwhile, you are allowing this terrible situation to continue while teaching your children how to behave like their father, and that they deserve to be abused. If you won’t leave for yourself, do it for them. They need you to be strong enough to protect them. Please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233) and find out how to get out safely.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Wisconsin,” whose husband died and her friends stopped visiting.

I became a widow 10 years ago at age 53, and this was my experience, too. All of our friends were there for the first few days, and then stopped. I was told that the other wives considered me a threat and didn’t want me near their husbands.

We belonged to a private club, and I’ve attended a few events alone, but as soon as someone’s husband came over to talk to me, the wife was there within seconds, hanging all over him. That never happened when my husband and I attended these events together. Unattached women, whether single, divorced or widowed, are a threat, and that’s all there is to it.

Widow in Louisville, Ky.

Dear Widow: That is true in some instances, but not all. Often, unattached women are excluded because their social group includes only couples, or because friends cannot get past their own awkwardness.

E-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.

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