ANNIE’S MAILBOX: Jobless husband is causing resentment

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: I had to retire early due to a disability. My daughter moved in with me, along with her husband and their kids. “Sarah” does not work, other than helping me around the house and taking me places. Her husband has a hard time keeping a job and has been out of work for seven months. I pay all the bills, including groceries and their car insurance. It is draining my retirement .

I would like to kick the husband out, but that would cause problems between Sarah and me, although she, too, is frustrated with his joblessness. I wouldn’t mind so much if he were actively looking for work, but his efforts are half-hearted at best. He gets tips from friends and family, and Sarah and I circle ads in the paper, but he doesn’t follow up. What can we do?

Mad in the Midwest

Dear Mad: You cannot throw out Sarah’s husband without her consent and approval. He may be lazy, but it is equally likely he is discouraged and depressed, and his job history indicates he may also suffer from adult ADD. If you need Sarah’s occasional help around the house, encourage her to get a part-time job. Then let your son-in-law know that if he cannot find employment, Sarah will become the breadwinner and he will then have to take care of you.

Dear Annie: My mother-in-law recently held a birthday lunch for my husband. I attended, along with our granddaughter. Two of his sisters were also there with their families. One sister invited my husband’s ex-girlfriend, with whom she is still friends.

My husband said hello, but that was it. The ex brought a card and gift for my husband’s birthday. I behaved in a cordial manner, but I was seething inside. I felt that my sister-in-law was disrespectful. My husband was not happy, either, and said he was going to write his sister a letter.

I could see inviting this woman for some kind of social get-together at my sister-in-law’s home. But why would she be included in a birthday party for my husband at his mother’s house when no one else was there except family?

I have always been very nice to my sister-in-law, even though she never wanted her brother to marry me. Now I feel betrayed. Am I overreacting?

In a Huff in Indiana

Dear Indiana: We’d let your husband handle his sister. If she invited the ex-girlfriend solely to get your goat, you won that battle by behaving graciously. We hope you will continue to do so by putting this behind you.

Dear Annie: I hope it’s not too late to respond to “Alone in Casper, Wyo.,” who couldn’t find a suitable woman.

After my divorce, I signed up for an online dating service. Annie, I am 59 years old, in good physical shape and financially responsible, and I have a good job. Men my age are looking for arm candy. Women my age are only desirable to men over 75. It is my opinion that most guys need to be more realistic.

Still Solo in Rural Wyoming

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