ANNIE’S MAILBOX: Friend’s husband may be abusive

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: My friend “Alicia” has been married for more than two decades and has two very intelligent children. But she is married to a man who doesn’t work and has a lot of problems.

“Steve” left his job after a confrontation at work and has been living off of disability insurance, claiming he is bipolar. (He went to several doctors until he got one to give him this diagnosis.) He insists he has mental problems, as if he is proud of it. I do know he has anger issues and has been party to several incidents involving assaults, the latest against a family member. It earned him a short jail term and probation.

One of Steve’s children said his father has thrown them across the room in anger. He also said his mother is afraid of their father.

I worry that one day Steve will hurt Alicia or one of the children. How could the courts, who have seen him before and ordered anger management, give such lenient punishments and return him to hurt someone again?

Perplexed in Michigan

Dear Michigan: The courts cannot punish a person for something he or she might do in the future. Although we understand why you would want someone with a history of assaults to be locked up for an eternity, some judges are more lenient than others within the sentencing guidelines.

Alicia needs to take steps to protect her children and herself. Please urge her to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (ndvh.org) at 800-799-SAFE (800-799-7233) and ask for help. And if you think those children are in danger, report the situation to the police or Child Protective Services.

Dear Annie: My sister-in-law and her husband send their kids to a Catholic school, which I am all for. This school has an arrangement where you can buy “scrip” through the school, and when you use it at a cooperating local business, a percentage of your purchase goes toward the student’s tuition. It’s a great program.

However, all of us in the family have been made to feel that every purchase should be made with scrip. I’m happy to help out when I can stop at the school and pick up the scrip, but it’s not foremost on my mind when I’m out.

My question is, do I have reason to feel upset with this whole situation? Putting these kids through private school is not my responsibility, and I can assure you my in-laws are not hurting for money. I’m tired of jumping through hoops every time I make a purchase, but if I don’t, I catch a guilt trip from my wife. Am I just being mean, or do I have good reason to feel put upon?

In-Law Situation

Dear Situation: Many schools use scrip as a form of fundraising. It is helpful and appreciated when family members can participate, but it is not mandatory, and you should not feel guilty when you don’t. However, if you are so inclined, you could ask about purchasing scrip in advance and keeping it in your wallet for those unanticipated errands. We suspect your sister-in-law would be happy to keep you well stocked.

Creators Syndicate