ANNIE’S MAILBOX: Addict brother is hard to support

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: My adult brother is a drug addict. “Keith” has been in and out of rehab programs, but hasn’t succeeded in staying clean. He lies to family members and lives in his car and various motels. He is still working, but only enough to support his habit.

I feel torn when it comes to being in his company and having him in my home. I try to be understanding of his addiction, but I am uncomfortable around him and don’t trust him. He stole from my parents, and spent thousands of dollars of an inheritance on drugs. Am I wrong to want to distance myself from my brother?

Torn in Maryland

Dear Torn: It’s hard to remain lovingly invested in the life of a drug addict. It requires tremendous patience and effort, and there’s no guarantee of a payoff. You do not need to have Keith in your home if he is not trustworthy, nor do you have to spend a great deal of time in his company. However, if there are family gatherings, we urge you to be there, not only to support your parents but to give Keith hope that his family has not given up on him. Please contact Nar-Anon (nar-anon.org) at 1-800-477-6291. It’s an excellent resource for friends and relatives of drug addicts.

Dear Annie: My sister-in-law, “Edith,” is a professional organizer. We invited her to our home for a social visit, along with her husband and children. While here, Edith noticed a pile of papers on my counter. She took it upon herself to sort through the papers, unsolicited, going so far as to open a folder to determine its contents. I was shocked.

I am reluctant to invite Edith into my house again. Is this acceptable conduct from a professional organizer?

Fuming Sister-in-Law in Canada

Dear Fuming: Professional organizers do not stick their noses in your private papers without an invitation. Edith sounds like a Nosy Nellie who found a career that suits her. However, she is your sister-in-law, and cutting her off will create hard feelings. If you catch her at it again, say with a smile, “Edith, I know you are only trying to help in your professional capacity, but we insist you let us clean our own messes.”

Dear Annie: “Confused and Restless” wanted to take a break after college. You mentioned Habitat for Humanity, but missed a great opportunity to mention AmeriCorps.

My daughter is a recent college grad and joined AmeriCorps. Young people have many projects to choose from and can travel to almost anywhere in the United States. After each of the first two years of service, they receive scholarships for further education.

Proud Mom in Oregon

Dear Mom: Thank you for the opportunity to mention AmeriCorps. This is a national service organization for adults of all ages and backgrounds who want to work with local and national nonprofit groups. To contact them, visit americorps.gov or call 1-800-942-2677.

E-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.

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