ANNIE’S MAILBOX: Wedding guest list causes a rift

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: I have some concerns about the guest list for my daughter’s upcoming nuptials. She has always been budget-conscious, and I appreciate her attempts to keep the guest list to a minimum, but it’s created a problem.

She and her fianc initially decided to limit the guests to those 18 and older. Unfortunately, this would have excluded her first cousins, plus some of her fianc ’s close family. I suggested setting the age at 12 and above, thinking this would appease all family members and we wouldn’t have to worry about little ones disrupting the ceremony or distracting their parents. However, this resulted in a sizable disagreement, and she now has decided to include all children.

I would like to share this wonderful event with my extended family and included my aunts, uncles and first cousins on my portion of the guest list. My daughter revised the list to exclude my uncle and most of my cousins. She says she is close to only one of my cousins and eliminated the rest. I explained that it is inappropriate to include one cousin and not the others, just as it is wrong to invite my father’s sister, but not his brother.

These disagreements are causing a great deal of unhappiness, and I don’t know how to keep the peace for everyone. Please help settle this.

Distraught Mother

Dear Distraught: Who is paying for the wedding? If it is your daughter and her fianc , they get to determine how many guests. They can, however, give you a specific number of invitations, allowing you to make the necessary decisions about your relatives. We agree that, barring a feud, she should invite both her great-aunt and great-uncle, but the bride’s mother’s first cousins are a different story. If she is close to only one, she does not need to invite the others. If you want them to attend, perhaps you could pay the excess costs.

Dear Annie: My stepdaughter is 22 and still living at home, although she stays with her boyfriend several nights a week at his sister’s apartment.

Last week she came home to take a shower and dress for church. Her boyfriend stayed in her bedroom while she changed clothes. I am very uncomfortable with this behavior at our house.

I know she sleeps with him at his sister’s place. I feel like a hypocrite going to church and not standing up for what I believe in my own home. I have repeatedly asked her father to talk to her about having boyfriends in her bedroom, but he will not say anything. Since this is his adult child, do I have any authority to demand that she not have men in her room? This is my house, too. I want to approach this properly. Can you help?

Not Comfortable

Dear Not Comfortable: You are in a tough spot. You can ask your stepdaughter not to bring men into her bedroom, but if her father says it’s OK, you are out of luck. We suggest you talk to your husband and see if you can get him on the same page.

E-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.

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