ANNIE’S MAILBOX: Men often overlook her for ‘Claire’

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: I have been best friends with “Claire” since junior high. She is nothing short of a knockout, with a sweet personality to match. We have always been very close, and I treasure our friendship.

The problem is, when we are out together, men are interested in Claire but feel she is unapproachable because she is so beautiful. Instead, they talk me up to try to get their foot in the door with her. Quite frankly, I am fed up with men only talking to me because they know I am friends with Claire. Then, when she isn’t interested in them, I have to let them down. It’s exhausting.

I am successful, educated, smart and funny, and I’m not bad-looking, either, but men are only interested in my hot friend. This has been going on since high school, and I’m 35. How do I break this cycle or tactfully tell these men that I’m not the key to Claire’s heart?

Invisible

Dear Invisible: You are always going to suffer by comparison to Claire, so we strongly urge you not to try to meet men when you are with her. Her bright light makes everything else seem dim. On other occasions, when you are in Claire’s company, it is perfectly OK to refuse to intercede. If you are approached about Claire, simply say, “Sorry, but if you are interested in my friend, you’ll have to talk to her directly.”

Dear Annie: This is in response to “To Gift or Not To Gift,” whose daughter-in-law was talking about a divorce. “Gift” wanted to know if the daughter-in-law should be taken off the annual gift list.

It is always best to take the peaceful way in a family matter. I did and never regretted it. When my son and his wife split up, I told them both that I love them and their child and would not make my granddaughter choose between her parents. I included my daughter-in-law in all family gatherings.

They separated, but never divorced. When my son was killed a few months later, I said as far as I was concerned there was no separation. I included my daughter-in-law in planning the funeral and the obituary. People had the nerve to say I shouldn’t have been so inclusive, but I told them I was the mother and this is what I wanted. I did it for my daughter-in-law, my granddaughter and our family.

We are still close, and my granddaughter stays with me quite a bit. Had I made enemies with my daughter-in-law when they separated, I may not have had the chance to spend so much time with my son’s daughter. I say give her the gift, and the next time she complains about your son, simply say, “You are talking about my child, and it hurts me to hear negative things about him. Please don’t put me in the middle like that.” You will be surprised how fast she will respect your wishes.

My daughter-in-law once asked whether I minded if she still considered me to be her mother-in-law, even if she someday remarries. I told her I would be honored.

A.G.

Dear A.G.: You did it right. Brava.

E-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.

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