ANNIE’S MAILBOX: After she cheated, is staying worth it?

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: My wife and I have been married for 21 years. We hit a low note in our marriage, and she met an old friend on Facebook.

The two of them texted and called each other, met for dinner, got together again and hopped in the sack, and then saw each other once more to talk and kiss. I found her texts and phone calls.

We have been to a marriage counselor, and my wife wants to work it out. We have three teenage children, and I am trying to stay together for them.

My wife says she hates what she did, is sorry and cannot believe she got caught up in this type of behavior.

I still have a difficult time trusting her and accepting her betrayal. We met when we were teenagers, and I feel we’ve grown apart. I am no longer happy.

Should I work it out and stay for the kids’ sake? We were pretty close before this and did most things together as a family.

Not Sure What To Do

Dear Not Sure: It is difficult to regain trust when a partner has cheated, but it is not impossible. It takes time, willingness and complete transparency on your wife’s part. She, too, could have felt you were growing apart when she succumbed to the affair. It does not justify her behavior, but it may help you understand her dissatisfaction.

When both partners commit to saving the marriage and take the necessary steps to reconnect, revitalize and remember what brought them together, the relationship can actually become stronger. We hope you will continue with counseling to see if you can do this, not only for your children’s sake, but for your own.

Dear Annie: I am an old person who has raised four kids by two different wives and have a couple of grandchildren. I see letter after letter in your column from frustrated parents, siblings, grandparents and distant relatives, lamenting the behavior and habits of various family members and others in their social circles. My advice is get a grip. Not only is no one going to behave the way you want them to, but they probably have no reason to do so. Here are a few rules I live by:

1. I have no control over anyone but me.

2. I raised my children the best way I knew. They are who I helped them become. I did what I could and don’t feel guilty about things they do.

3. If anyone annoys me with their gross habits, poor hygiene, rudeness or stupidity, I have the freedom to stay away from them.

Life is too short (and too long) to make pettiness and drama your regular routine.

If Aunt Sarah constantly makes you angry, does she really need an invitation to dinner every month? Get a hobby so your mind doesn’t constantly grind away at the small annoyances in life.

Look at the sky, smell the flowers, and listen to the children laughing.

Binghamton, N.Y.

E-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.

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