‘Cliff’ and co-worker act guilty

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for 12 years. After a two-month separation, “Cliff” and I tried to reconnect. He would call or text to say how much he loved me and wanted me back.

When I decided to return home, I discovered that he had gotten drunk at a bar with some of our friends and caressed a female co-worker’s leg. I did some digging and found out that Cliff and this woman had been texting after midnight on the same evenings he had been telling me how much I meant to him.

I called this woman and asked what was going on. She denied everything but Cliff admitted everything. He also claimed the text messages were not sexual, simply chitchat about their workday.

Cliff has never cheated on me. I have forgiven him, but he sees this woman every day at work.

We live in a small city and have run into this co-worker a few times when we were out. She and Cliff never acknowledge each other. If everything is as innocent as Cliff claims, why do they act this way? How do I move on from this?

Need To Get Over the Past

Dear Need: It is obvious that your trust in Cliff has eroded. You cannot be expected to get over something when you fear it may still be going on. Insist that Cliff go with you for counseling. As always, if he won’t go with you, go without him.

Dear Annie: My brother married a woman with two kids. Since they were little, these kids have been nothing but ungrateful, mean and disrespectful to me. The daughter ignored my family when we visited. The girl is now 17 and pregnant. I have not seen her for three years, but today I received an invitation to a baby shower. I do not plan to attend, but am I obligated to give her a gift?

Baby Shower Dilemma

Dear Dilemma: You are not obligated to send a gift for a shower that you are not attending. However, we hope you will reconsider. It is not the baby’s fault that this young woman is ungrateful and disrespectful. It sounds like that child will have a hard enough time, and whatever help you can give would be a kindness.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Life Isn’t Always Positive,” who has a friend who constantly cuts her off because she doesn’t want to hear “downer” news.

You should have told her to turn the tables and say, “I don’t want to hear anymore,” so she knows how it feels. Or say, “I don’t find our conversations friendly when the topic is driven by you. You decide which parts of my speech are negative and then redirect the conversation to something you find acceptable.”

Fulfilling friendships have ebb and flow, and that’s what makes them authentic. Many of us have to stay artificially upbeat all day long as part of our jobs. Real friendship is where we can share our feelings, worries, hopes and dreams.

Jane

Dear Readers: Today is Administrative Professionals Day. If you have assistants who make your job easier, let them know they are appreciated.

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