ANNIE'S MAILBOX: After 5-year betrothal, James still isn’t ready

Dear Annie: I’ve been with “James” for six years. He is 57. We get along great and enjoy each other’s company. We both own our homes.

Five years ago, we became engaged, and James moved in with my 12-year-old son and me. However, every year he has some lame reason why we can’t get married — one of us will lose our homestead exemption, we will pay more taxes, etc.

He finally moved back into his own place six months ago after two years of remodeling. His reasons were numerous and hurtful. Although I keep a clean house, he says the cat hair bothered him (his cat); a sand pit next door irritated his sinuses; when the septic backed up, the bacteria in the air gave him COPD; we were living in sin; and the list goes on.

I’m 47 and want to build a life with someone. While I do love James, am I wasting my time with this man?

Florida

Dear Florida: Probably. If he cannot find a reason to marry you after five years, it isn’t likely to happen. If you are looking to build a life with someone, James is not the guy.

Dear Annie: My son was so excited this morning because he had made plans with a friend to go to a school function, and some of the other kids were meeting up at this friend’s home. But after school, my son told me his friend uninvited him from the group. He made a great effort to control his tears.

These are middle-school boys, and it has happened before. My son says sometimes he is called stupid at school. I have a social dysfunction and have no friends myself. I’m sure my inability to relate to people has been a detriment to my son’s social development. I don’t want him to suffer as I did. How do I deal with it when these things happen?

No Name

Dear No Name: Social anxiety issues tend to run in families, meaning your son could have inherited these tendencies from you. But it seems more likely that he simply has not learned the skills necessary to read social cues and interact well with others. You can find free social skills activities at wingsforkids.org, or you can ask his pediatrician for a referral. However, uninviting him to events and calling him stupid is bullying and should be pointed out to the principal.

Dear Annie: I have a somewhat similar problem as “Confused Fianc ,” whose girlfriend has had prior sexual experience and he can’t get it out of his head.

My wife and I went steady for 10 months before we married. We did absolutely everything sexually except have intercourse. She always claimed she was a virgin, yet each new experience was initiated by her. On our wedding night, I discovered she was not what she said.

She still insists she was a virgin. After so many years, why can’t she come clean and admit her youthful sexual encounters? I love her, but still occasionally feel hurt that she cannot trust me enough to be honest.

Hurt in Massachusetts

Dear Hurt: Please stop badgering your wife. It’s quite possible that, despite your “evidence,” she was indeed a virgin. A gynecologist can explain it to you.

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