ANNIE’S MAILBOX: Visiting now would be a burden

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: We are in our 80s and have known “Ed and Jane” for 15 years. They sometimes invite us to spend a couple of nights at their condo in another state, and we reciprocate. It went fairly well until the past few years.

Now the first thing Jane mentions is how much weight I’ve gained, and the conversation is always about food. The last time we visited, my husband and I brought Chinese takeout. After Ed and Jane finished their soup, they were “stuffed” and insisted they couldn’t eat another bite.

When they come here, it’s the same thing. I try to serve small portions and healthy meals, but it’s always “way too much.” Jane and Ed are skinny. I am a little heavier than I should be because I don’t get enough physical activity, but I try to eat nutritious, well-balanced meals.

Jane and Ed now want to visit again, and I’m already losing sleep over the thought. We have an extra bedroom, but my husband hasn’t been well lately and needs his own space, so I’ve taken the second room. If guests come, I’d have to sleep on the couch. And the extra grocery shopping, laundry and cooking wears me out. I don’t want to take on the burden when I know the visit will be all about food.

We no longer converse much with Ed and Jane except for a few e-mails now and then. How can I tactfully tell them I don’t want their company right now without causing a lot of hurt feelings?

A Slightly Portly Senior Citizen

Dear Senior: Inform Ed and Jane that the situation in your home has changed and, so sorry, you no longer have room for them to stay with you. Give them the names of nearby hotels. The next time they mention your weight or your food, tell them you appreciate their interest in your health, but you’d prefer not to discuss it. Then deliberately and obviously change the subject. But do it with a smile.

Dear Annie: My daughter keeps buying things she doesn’t need and spending money before paying her bills. At the moment, she is in foreclosure because she buys junk before paying her mortgage. She and her children may have to move in with us.

I have health issues, and the stress over this is killing me. Jane has a decent job. She just cannot manage her money and constantly lies to justify her purchases.

We have helped her out financially several times, but this time we decided to let her be responsible. She is going through a divorce and could afford to keep her home if she would just stop spending. She is a wonderful mother, and the kids do well in school. Please help.

Ohio

Dear Ohio: Compulsive spending can have many causes, including poor impulse control, bipolar disease or a way to mask depression or anxiety. Your daughter’s pending divorce may have driven her over the edge. Please suggest she contact Debtors Anonymous (debtorsanonymous.org) at 800-421-2383.

E-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.

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