ANNIE’S MAILBOX: Father’s violence must be dealt with

September 27, 2010 at 4:14a.m.

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: I need your advice on how to deal with my very violent father. He is physically violent and verbally abusive. He threw chairs at his 82-year-old mother and lost his temper at my cousin’s wedding and made a huge scene.

Mom tolerated him, but he beat her and she nearly lost her hearing. My brothers stayed with him until they could go to college, and both are now in therapy for PTSD and anger issues. I fled my father’s house when I was 17. After 13 years, I still have nightmares about him.

My grandfather’s 100th birthday is coming up, and my uncle arranged a big party. Needless to say, the entire extended family is expected to attend. I will go and remain cordial to my father for Grandpa’s sake, but what do I do if he rages and tries to assault someone?

Worried Sick

Dear Worried: If Dad assaults anyone, call the police immediately. Do not get into a physical altercation with him. Make it about a crime being committed.

Dear Annie: My daughter-in-law is expecting our first grandchild, and I recently attended the first of two baby showers. I’m sorry to say, I was embarrassed and hurt by her behavior toward her guests.

She complained about her co-workers who did not show up. She barely acknowledged the gifts she was given. She criticized the hometown of many of the guests as “old and dirty.”

I do not think I can bring myself to attend her second shower. Of course, speaking critically about her to my son would not be productive. Should I go or not?

Embarrassed Mother-in-Law

Dear Mother-in-Law: Go. It’s a shame your daughter-in-law is so grossly inconsiderate of her guests, but you will accomplish nothing by avoiding her celebrations. She seems ignorant of basic manners and not too bright. The best way to help is to set a good example, without criticizing her. If she disparages someone’s hometown, you can chime in with, “But it can be such a charming place.” When she barely acknowledges a gift, fill in the blanks: “What a lovely platter.” This gives your daughter-in-law the opportunity to learn from you.

Dear Annie: I’m a faithful reader, but I somehow must have missed the plea for forgotten Father’s Day songs. If it isn’t too late, here’s one that I learned as a child (I’m 76). I hadn’t thought of it in years.

J.R. in Manhattan Beach, Calif.

You are a wonderful Daddy,

Dear old Daddy of mine.

You own a spot so deep in my heart,

That the stars no longer shine.

Your name will live on forever,

Down through the fields of time.

There’ll never be another to me,

Like that wonderful Daddy of mine.

E-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.

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