ANNIE’S MAILBOX: Tenants worried that child is abused

September 19, 2010 at 11:53a.m.

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: I believe the manager in our building is abusing his 11-year-old daughter. One tenant saw him walk into a dark, empty apartment earlier this year, and she was crouched on the floor next to the door. We reported this to the police, but it turns out they are not allowed to simply take her in. Instead, they asked the school authorities to keep an eye on her. The school reported that she was fine.

The father of this child is bipolar, and he harasses a lot of the women in the building. Under his so-called supervision, this building has fallen apart. The tenants have reported him to the management company for his rude, unprofessional behavior, but they brush it off as a personality conflict. He has attempted suicide more than once. His wife works, mostly evenings and weekends, and their daughter is left with her father. He lives in the dark. The family is not allowed to use the air conditioner. They have no social life. The wife’s older children moved out last year and no longer come into the house. They honk and Mom comes to their car.

This child used to be happy, but Dad won’t let her speak to the tenants now, nor does she play outside. She has been locked out of the apartment, and her mother claimed she must have forgotten her key. Yesterday, I found out the father dressed her up in high heels and a ton of makeup and took her to a nearby bar in a seedy hotel. Fortunately, the bartender refused to serve her, so the father left her in the hallway for an hour while he played pool.

My daughter again called the police, but was told they need to be notified when it happens, not after the fact. Do we have enough to contact Child Protective Services to investigate?

Glendale, Calif.

Dear Glendale: You don’t need proof for Child Protective Services, only a report of suspected abuse. Keep in mind that what you have told us could indicate a girl who is depressed rather than abused, but her father’s parenting skills are questionable. Bless you for caring enough to keep an eye on this child.

Dear Annie: My husband and I retired to Florida a few years ago. The problem is the visits from family and friends over the winter. While we love to see them, it means a constant stream of company after the holidays. It’s exhausting. And while we don’t pick up all the meal tabs, expenses still add up.

This year we moved to a larger home and have heard from even more people about their upcoming visits, and not all of them have been invited. How do we tactfully limit the time they can visit?

Feeling Chilly

Dear Chilly: You have to set boundaries and stick to them. When someone says they are planning to visit, reply with sincere regret, “We wish we could accommodate you, but we’re booked up that week. Would you like us to find you a nearby hotel? We’d love to meet you for dinner.” It doesn’t matter if “booked up” means you were planning to sleep in or are busy every week.

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