ANNIE’S MAILBOX: Hubby’s trying to justify an affair

September 3, 2010 at 10:22a.m.

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: Last May, my 56-year-old husband met a woman on Facebook and became infatuated. She lives in Germany. We live in Kansas.

My husband thinks he knows everything about her. In October, the two of them plan to meet in Boston and drive up to Maine for a week’s vacation. I was informed of this plan and told I was not invited.

My husband sees nothing wrong with this. He says he loves me and doesn’t think he needs to be bound by the “conventions of marriage.” If I get upset, he accuses me of not wanting him to be happy.

We’ve been married for 11 years and had a pretty solid relationship until this. Now I feel humiliated and bitter. Am I wrong?

Mrs. Jerk

Dear Mrs.: Married people who say they don’t want to be bound by the conventions of marriage are trying to justify an affair. Unless you also want an open marriage, this only benefits him. It’s time to talk to a lawyer. Then tell him to have a good time, and let him know you’ll be changing the locks. What nerve.

Dear Annie: My grown children found out their grandmother had died by reading it in the local paper. We were never close. At one time, my husband was having an affair, and my mother-in-law would call to give my husband messages from his girlfriend. After that, I hardly spoke to her, and she never came to visit again.

My husband and I worked out our problems and stayed married. But at his funeral, my mother-in-law sat next to me, displacing my children, in order to ask me to return items she had given my husband years before.

Obviously, my relationship with her was not good, but my children kept in touch. So when Grandma passed and no one told us, my children were hurt. My children and I went to the viewing, and my sister-in-law would not even look at us. None of us attended the funeral. My daughter and I made a donation to her favorite charity and never received a thank-you note. Even my husband’s aunt, with whom we used to exchange Christmas cards, has stopped contact.

It has been a year, but I am still hurt and angry, and so are my children. I’d like to contact my sister-in-law, but don’t want to get into an argument. Any suggestions?

Dear C.: Your in-laws are not interested in a relationship with you, but we hope they are willing to stay in touch with your children. If the kids can put aside their anger, suggest they contact their aunt to say hello and see how everyone is doing.

Dear Annie: I am 79 and remember home viewings of the deceased. To me, it is easier to accept death after seeing the body laid out. It is so obviously not the person I knew and loved that it makes it easier to accept the death. I am comforted to think they are in a better place.

A dear friend died at 29, and since I could not attend the funeral, I have not really come to terms with it.

Minnesota

Creators Syndicate