ANNIE’S MAILBOX: Her panic attacks affected marriage

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: I’m a young newlywed with general anxiety disorder, which includes frequent and severe panic attacks.

A few days ago, I came home to find my husband, “Jerry,” sitting on the couch with his wedding band on the table. He said he can’t handle how I have no control over myself when anything goes the least bit wrong, and he is sick of the panic attacks. He told me he wants a divorce.

I knew being with me was difficult, but had no idea it was that bad. We’d been together for three years before we married. I asked him to give me time to see a counselor, but he said he was done and didn’t care.

However, when he said that, for the first time in my life, I handled the stress calmly and rationally. Later that night, he apologized. He told me I dealt with the situation so well that he wanted to give me the chance to work on my anxiety. I was overjoyed.

It’s been a week, and we are back to normal, which is what I thought I wanted. But, Annie, I can’t erase the picture of him sitting on our couch telling me he had given up. I’m hurt. I trusted him. I don’t understand why Jerry would want a divorce after so little time. I’m afraid to discuss this with him for fear he’ll think my anxiety is getting the best of me. But I no longer feel secure in the relationship. He could pick up and leave at any moment. How do I get over this sudden lack of trust?

Sleepless and Confused

Dear Sleepless: Jerry may have believed marriage would alleviate your anxiety and was crushed to realize it didn’t make a difference. Your reaction is normal. His willingness to leave undermines your confidence in the marriage. Regaining trust will take time, and it will help to talk to Jerry about his feelings and yours, calmly and rationally. If you don’t think you can do this on your own, please seek the help of a counselor, a clergyperson, any neutral third party or the doctor who treats your GAD.

Dear Annie: I find myself back on the dating circuit after ending a nine-year relationship. The world of social media and cell phone technology has exploded since then. I have been out with a couple of different people, both of whom spent much of the date answering e-mails, checking Facebook, texting, etc.

Am I horribly old-fashioned to believe that on a date one’s attention should be focused on the other person and not on Twitter?

Looking for a Phone-Free Date in Nebraska

Dear Nebraska: This is a common complaint, not only on dates, but with any socializing. Smart phones are addictive. It is perfectly OK to ask your date to put the phone away. But also be sure to ask your dates some interesting personal questions that will encourage their undivided attention.

Dear Readers: Happy Halloween. Please dress your trick-or-treaters in flame-retardant costumes that don’t obstruct walking or vision, and be sure to accompany them.

E-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.

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