ANNIE’S MAILBOX: ‘Emily’ has lied, alienated family

October 26, 2010 at 4:19a.m.

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: I have several siblings. One, “Emily,” divorced when her children were young. We tried to be supportive. We believed her horror stories about her ex-husband’s affairs and sexual perversions. Emily would also privately tell us nasty stories about our other siblings.

Ten years ago, our parents sold their home to Emily, making special provisions so she could manage financially. Then, five years ago, our youngest sister died. Emily left after the viewing and did not attend the funeral. We each received nasty letters saying we had never been there for her, and that she’d sold the house and was sending us our share, as Dad had stipulated. She handled it disrespectfully.

We realize that Emily told many lies about each of us. Not only has she alienated herself, but we suspect she has also alienated her children from her ex-husband’s family. Our dad died recently. Emily did not participate in the funeral plans. She came only to the viewing, bringing a new husband we had never met. She spoke a few harsh words and left.

The rest of us are closer as a family. Do we just let it go?

Grieving Sister

Dear Grieving: It sounds as if Emily is mentally ill. She appears to be a pathological liar and unwilling to admit it. There is nothing you can do to straighten her out.

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been close friends with “Amanda and Jeremy” for years. When they told us they were expecting, we were excited and happy for them, even though we have been struggling with infertility.

For the past month, all they have talked about is the baby shower. We assumed we’d be invited, but discovered the shower was last weekend. Should we tell them how hurt we are?

Confused

Dear Confused: Amanda and Jeremy may have thought you would be uncomfortable. It may have been for family only. Your invitation might have been lost. If you don’t speak up, you will stew over it and the friendship will not survive. Simply say, “I was surprised and a little hurt that we weren’t invited to the baby shower. I hope everything is OK.”

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Anxiously Awaiting,” whose risk of breast cancer worried her enough to have a bilateral mastectomy and her reconstruction has been difficult. She said her husband still could not look at her naked body.

I want to address this to her: I, too, had a bilateral mastectomy and am not a candidate for reconstruction. But I am beautiful because I am alive. Your husband is the one who needs therapy if he cannot see how beautiful you are. Would he rather be going to a cemetery and leaving flowers? Tell him to grow up and act like a real man. Learn to love yourself. I wake up each day and thank God that I am alive, and so should you. You did what you had to in order to live the rest of your life. I have nothing but scar tissue and lumps, but I am so beautiful.

Beautiful and Boobless

Creators Syndicate