ANNIE’S MAILBOX: Pregnant ex-lover poses a problem

October 17, 2010 at 9:53a.m.

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: My 27-year-old son broke up with his 23-year-old girlfriend after a three-month relationship that was largely based on sex. Six weeks after the breakup, the girl announced that she was pregnant. My son is sure that he is the father, but marriage is not in the picture.

Here’s the sad part: This girl has had rheumatoid arthritis since she was 10 years old and is on disability. She does not work, attend school or care for herself in any capacity. She is unable to lift 10 pounds or cut her own food. However, she is quite capable of drinking beer, smoking and singing in karaoke bars.

She’s been told that her disease will go into remission during pregnancy but will return in spades once she delivers, making it necessary for her to have 24/7 assistance. This girl has had at least one abortion before, and we are now aware of past drug abuse.

All tests show the baby to be healthy. My son would like to pursue open adoption. The ex-girlfriend, however, is adamant that friends and family will help her raise the baby. What is our next step?

A Concerned Mother

Dear Mother: You cannot force the ex to give up the baby for adoption. Your son will be obligated to pay child support, like it or not. We hope he will take an interest in his child. Please have your son seek legal counsel to iron out the details about support payments and visitation, and put them in writing.

Dear Annie: Shortly after my wedding, I sent thank-you notes. Unfortunately, I mixed up two of the cards and ended up thanking the recipients for the wrong present.

Upon returning from the honeymoon, I found a message on my voice mail from a friend who was very upset. “I didn’t send you a salad bowl,” she said, and then proceeded to tell me how rude and thoughtless I was. I called to explain the mix-up and apologized profusely, but she hung up and won’t speak to me.

I feel terrible about the possible loss of this friendship due to an honest mistake. Is there anything I can do to make this right?

Baffled Bride

Dear Bride: This friend apparently believes she’s too special to be the victim of an error. It’s also possible something else is going on in her life and she is simply lashing out in your direction. You could send her a sincere note of apology and ask a mutual friend to intercede, but beyond that, it’s up to her.

Dear Annie: You did the right thing by suggesting “Mourning in Massachusetts” refer her sister to Alcoholics Anonymous. Unfortunately, the website you put in your column was incorrect. Please tell your readers it should be aa.org.

Burlington, Vt.

Dear Burlington: Thank you and all the other bright-eyed readers who caught that mistake. Alcoholics Anonymous can be found at aa.org, or you can write them at A.A. World Services, Inc., P.O. Box 459, New York, NY 10163. Our apologies.

Creators Syndicate