‘South Park’ will take on ‘Jersey Shore’

By Elise Young

The Record (Hackensack N.J.)

America, here comes Jersey — every last one of us ditzy, boozy, spray-tanned, muscled, waxed, hair-gelled, lip-plumped, teeth-whitened bozos who think it’s a good fashion move to flaunt underwear as outerwear.

The producers of the television cartoon “South Park” see us like that, anyway, and will broadcast their version of the Garden State on Wednesday’s “Jersey” episode.

No word on whether Gov. Chris Christie, fresh from appearing on “Oprah” to announce a $100 million donation for Newark schools, will make an appearance on the Comedy Central series. But if the promotional stills are any indication, a good chunk of the “Jersey Shore” cast will be — uhm, peeps, what’s the word? — representin’. Probably in the hot tub. With vodka.

“I get a very small snippet of what the show’s going to be,” Jenni Runyan, a Comedy Central spokeswoman, said Thursday. “I’m not even aware of what’s going to happen in the episode.”

The plot, such as it is: New Jersey invades all U.S. territory east of the Rockies.

“As the Jerseyites spill into Colorado and approach South Park, Randy and the boys stand strong against the onslaught,” according to Comedy Central’s news release.

A clip on SouthParkStudios.com shows what appears to be a town meeting, with Councilman (and high school dropout, Nobel winner, geologist, Wal-Mart cashier and too-gross-for-print Guinness record holder) Randy Marsh highlighting what now is called West Jersey.

“The Jersey Shore now includes Jacksonville, Miami, the Gulf of Jersey, Mexico and the Jersey islands,” the character says.

In the next scene, Randy and his son Stan, hunkered amid mounds of furniture, watch an approaching mob.

“Is that them, Dad?” Stan asks.

“Yup,” Randy replies. “They’re from Jersey, all right.”

One character, in full undies glory, casts a wide-eyed look that says, “You wanna fight?”

Another flashes what appears to be the universal hand signal for “Duh.”

Each bears a resemblance to a character from “Jersey Shore,” the MTV program that follows young adults sharing a Seaside Heights beach house.

Some of New Jersey’s biggest defenders say they’ll be tuning in Wednesday to take in any slights firsthand, but they’re mindful that the program is a cartoon that finds comedy in disabilities, Osama bin Laden’s gastrointestinal troubles, the Sept. 11 attacks, Jews, Christians, Muslims, Tourette’s syndrome, homosexuals, Asians, AIDS, the pope and celebrities’ sex lives.

“I think ‘South Park’ is an equal-opportunity offender,” said New Jersey state Sen. Joe Vitale.