ANNIE’S MAILBOX: Do not disturb — she means it

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: I need a polite way to tell people to leave me alone. My husband and I work opposite shifts and only have a few hours a week to spend together. I work a late shift and need to sleep during the day. My doorbell rings constantly even though I have posted a note: “Do not disturb day sleeper.” My friends and relatives do not think this applies to them.

I get home from work at 7 a.m., and they think it’s a good time to call, but I need time to unwind, do housework and prepare meals. When I sleep, I unplug my phones and wake up to dozens of messages from the same people saying, “Call me when you get up.”

I love my friends and family and don’t want to hurt their feelings, but I’m so sleep-deprived and need to spend time alone with my husband. If we take a few days off to be together, others want to be involved. When I tell them, “We miss each other and want to be alone,” they respond as if we are being selfish.

My husband travels for work, and one friend believes she needs to keep me company. When I tell her I’d rather she didn’t, she wants to know why I’m mad at her.

I’ve made it clear to everyone: “Do not call. Do not come over. I’m busy with chores and want to spend time alone with my husband.” They ignore me. Please help before I blow a gasket.

Pleading for a Little Privacy

Dear Pleading: Instead of telling people to leave you alone, give them a time when it’s OK to call. They are more likely to cooperate if they have specific guidelines. If you get home at 7, ask people to call you between, say, 8 and 10. Then try to be accommodating during those hours. Anyone who calls or pops in when you’re trying to sleep should be told, nicely, that you need your rest. Then hang up or close the door.

Dear Annie: My older brother and I have been providing financial support for our father by paying for his medical bills and household expenses. Our younger brother is only able to support himself.

I allocate $10,000 from my annual budget to my father, and he constantly complains that he does not have enough money. Yet he still manages to take overseas vacations. He has stated many times that he is leaving all his worldly possessions to our younger brother because he needs the money most. Dad does not seem to appreciate that my older brother and I are sacrificing in order to help him.

My father is taking my younger brother on a vacation next month. What do you think of this?

Dad’s Personal Bank

Dear Bank: We think your situation is building tremendous resentment not only toward your father, but toward your younger brother, as well. You are generous to help support Dad, but you are apparently giving him more than he needs. It might help to have a neutral third party, perhaps an accountant, lawyer or the bank, handle Dad’s finances and remove the emotional hurt from the equation.

E-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.

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