ANNIE’S MAILBOX: Wife chooses blind, old dog

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: My wife and I have been happily married for 30 years without any major arguments, until now. Our 22-year-old daughter recently moved into an apartment and discovered that no pets were allowed. This meant her 9-year-old cocker spaniel, who is blind and incontinent, did not have a home. My wife offered to take the dog, and it has been living with us for six weeks.

I cannot tolerate the smell and the mess any longer. My wife said if the dog goes, she goes with it. I do not wish to end my marriage. What should I do?

Solicitous Spouse

Dear Spouse: Something more is going on if your wife of 30 years is willing to throw you over for a blind, incontinent dog she’s had for only six weeks. You need to talk to her and find out why she has put the dog first in your marriage.

Dear Annie: I’ve known my 26-year-old stepdaughter, “Monica,” since she was 5. She never spent much time with her father, but when the first grandchild was born, she came by more often because she wanted a baby sitter. Her dad and I were together 21 years before he passed away six months ago.

Now when I hear from Monica, all she wants to do is rehash all that happened at the end of her father’s life. She harangues me about difficult choices I had to make.

I still have two children at home and work full time, and I am trying to deal with my own grief. I know Monica is grieving, but I think she feels guilty for not spending more time with her dad. I just can’t deal with her. Am I wrong to want some distance right now?

Still Grieving

Dear Still: These things can take on a life of their own, and the relationship may not recover. We recommend that you maintain minimal contact and urge Monica to get grief counseling.

Dear Annie: Your advice to “Shirley” regarding a 5-month-old, 12-pound baby whose mother kept him wrapped in a blanket most of the time was off the mark.

Having worked as a child abuse/neglect investigator, I can tell you that if Shirley had contacted Child Protective Services, we would have investigated based on Petey’s size alone. Keeping the baby wrapped tightly and napping most of the time also sets off alarm bells. If Petey is not given enough attention and stimulation, not to mention food, he could suffer lasting developmental delays or even starve to death.

Petey is likely the victim of physical neglect. Shirley should immediately report Petey’s situation to her local Child Protective Services office.

Concerned Social Worker

Dear Social Worker: Depending on the child’s birth weight, 12 pounds is not unreasonably low at 5 months. Petey sees the pediatrician regularly, and if he were failing to thrive, it would be noticed. We do agree, however, that the situation bears watching.

E-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.

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