Bye-bye bowling: No more pain from the lane

This is the end as we know it.

No, not the end of the world, but the conclusion of the 2009-2010 winter bowling season.

I’m heartbroken.

It brings to a close a long and painful string of months during which mounds of scoresheets filed through.

Does the new health care package cover nervous breakdowns from perusing through 300 games and 800 sets and then trying to weave words weekly to creatively convey a bowler’s battle to attain those numbers?

There’s little defense for an argument that throwing a ball on a hard surface and successfully knocking down 10 obstacles 63 feet away constitutes a sport.

At least a pitcher’s throw to home plate against a batter presents a more difficult challenge.

Bowling pins have yet to do the same. They only yield to things that go by silly names such as Mutant, Rogue, Evil Siege, Red Alien, Total Bedlam, Black Widow, Sharp Noize.

It’s great that people have an activity, especially during the gloomiest 32 weeks of a year, but is that fulfilling?

I have my own form of bowling and that’s eating.

In a sense, when food is consumed, it follows a bumper bowling-style path down the esophagus and into the stomach. It doesn’t get sidetracked. Every swallow is a strike.

What do bowlers have? A scoresheet printout?

What is it that drives bowlers to achieve better scores?

Do they have too much money to spend or too much time?

Maybe it’s because they have a life and I don’t.

I’m ready to Snap.

Hey, that’s a good name for another ball model.

Well, that’s it for the 9-10 season.

Signing off from Spare-Me-The-Pain Lanes.

Highlights

The Ruhamados team defeated the Scotties, 3 games to 1, to claim the Monday Senior Mixed Doubles championship at Camelot.

Ruhamados members were Margaret Whitacre, Nadine Heaton, Steve Janis and Mario Romito. The Scotties comprised Millie Brooke, Nora Campbell, Dick Brooke and Tom Graham.

Cheri Hartzell, MaryAnn DePizzo, Fran Pushay and Kay Mariotti won the Comets’ final roll-off at Camelot.

Champion of Tri-County Classic at Holiday was Rolling Hills, which beat Tri-State Tool & Hoist. The Rolling Hills comprised Rich Kinkela Sr., Rich Kinkela Jr., Nick Gesacion, Arthur Johnson, Ron McAllen and Bill Wedgewood.

Danny Guerrieri’s 300-795 paced Belchyk/Action Plumbing Classic and John Cambert was also perfect in the same league at Holiday.

700s

Holiday — Bill Lovell (784), Andy Ruetz (775), Rob Vukovich (758), Pie Rossi (757), Nick Evans (739), Steve Harper Sr. (738), Mark Guthridge (735), Bob Eisenbraun Jr. (732), John Lucansky (728), Jim Dodge (722), Pete Patellis (720), Bruce Curall (715), Frank Corso (715), Ray Grow (710), Eric Dunn (707), Bill Daley (702), Joe Nuzzo (702) & Don Ford (701) in Belchyk/Action Plumbing Classic.

Holiday

(Lucky Ladies) — Samantha Gigax 214-597, Debbie Nicholas 204-575, Diana Johngrass 203-563, Crystal Elash 197-545, Donna DGenero 180-523, Pam Gigax 180-510, Nancy Cramer 186-506, Jean Zarbaugh 180-505, Jennifer Sivak 185-505. (Belchyk/Action Plumbing Classic) — John Doughton 279-698, Dave Shevetz 267-698, Rich Hartzell 245-693, Rick Busch 246-689, Chuck Fagan 237-688, John Cambert 687, Rob Harvischak 246-687, Nick Colla 229-669, Rex Rager 246-668, Ron Jones 225-667, Eric Hazlett 236-667, Carl Cramer Sr. 277-665, Tom ‘Cat’ Barron 245-662, Tom Smith 247-659, Chuck Cormell 229-657, Bob Eisenbraun Sr. 233-652, Rob Malkovits 245-650, Nick Gabrick 242-650, Nate Glista 649, Frank Tondo Sr. 246-648, Bill Brown 243-646, Dave Cramer 242-645, Steve Pinciaro 230-642, Brian Auman 245-641, Bill Carney 247-640, Russ Slagle 217-638, Richard Thompson 246-632, Dan Kalitich 237-628, Billy Lovell 2215-625, Terry Yorty 216-624, Ron Lipinski 212-623, Tom Gross 231-622, Bill Minchin 222-621, Moon Gulu 223-616, Chet Feret 231-616, Joe Hanna 206-602.

Wedgewood

(Thursday Nite Ladies) — Betty Fox 217-575, Betty Kane 201-523, Michelle Klein 187-517, Georgia Smith 195-500, Helen Skok 192-495, Pamela Ripple 184-493. (Thursday Senior Men) — Bill Scannell 236-656, Rev Mass 257-639, Oscar William 231-588, Mike Saborse 182-504, Ken Signor 215-504, Bill Bass 190-491, Jim Sharnek 164-463, John Yohman 167-457, Ken Price 170-452, Cal Perry 170-452. (Thursday Nite Ladies) — Carrie Bailey 201-537, Kristen Keeble 201-539, Peggy McMahon 196-529, JoAnn Clemens 219-524, Nancy Marx 184-510, Pamela Ripple 182-508, Janet Hynes 183-503. (Thursday Senior Men) — Oscar William 243-591, Rev Mass 217-585, Tom Hewitt 224-560, Ken Signor 213-560, Steve Senvisky 213-553, Jim Shrnek 189-509, Ken Price 181-484, Bill Bass 168-470, John Yoman 168-463, Mike Saborse 147-484. (Woodchoppers) — Dave Frehler 268-691, Jenna Cintavey 231-617, Lisa Lewis 227-572, Rick Holloway 223-548, Becky Kennedy 202-515, Bridget Wiseman 202-482, Matt Yakell 216-522.

Conversions

Camelot — Nora Campbell (5-10) in Monday Senior Mixed Doubles.

Super subs

Wedgewood — Kathy Carrozzino (524) & Dee Sturtz (508) in Thursday Nite Ladies.