ANNIE’S MAILBOX: Don’t punish ‘Susan’ for affair

May 8, 2010 at 12:00a.m.

By KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR

Dear Annie: My wife’s daughter, “Susan,” recently took her two young children and moved out of the home she shared with our wonderful son-in-law. She has been having an affair with a charming friend of theirs.

Susan claims she has been unhappy in her marriage for four years and downplays the significance of the affair. Meanwhile, the charming friend left his wife the same day Susan moved out.

Everyone in the family is shocked, but Susan has a network of girlfriends who encourage her on her “path of self-discovery.” The kids have been told that Mommy and Daddy are fighting and taking a break from each other. Susan has been advised by a counselor not to introduce Mr. Charm to the kids for at least a year.

Do you agree with the advice they are getting to keep the truth from the kids? We have been told that they are too young to process the intricacies of adult relationships, and that knowing the truth will cause them to take sides. On the other hand, not telling them makes the rest of us conspirators in maintaining a deception that will one day come to light.

Since any family member who reads this will know exactly who is writing, I’ll sign it

Transparent in Portsmouth

Dear Transparent: As much as you would like to punish Susan for her affair, please don’t do it by telling the children Mommy has been cheating. It is not a lie to say their parents are fighting and taking a break. If she stays with Mr. Charm, you will have to allow him into the family if you wish to see Susan and the grandchildren. You do not have to alienate your son-in-law entirely, but for the near future, you should not invite him to family functions where Susan will be present. She may be behaving terribly, but she is still your wife’s daughter.

Dear Annie: My husband has the bad habit of not closing doors — kitchen cabinets, file drawers, closets, etc. Do other women experience this? I try to ignore it, but I worry someone will get hurt.

Help

Dear Help: If you’re lucky, your husband will smack his head on one of those doors and remember to close it next time. Every person has at least one bad habit. Your husband can be “trained,” but it will take effort.

Dear Annie: I have a suggestion for “Kentucky,” who wondered what to do with her beautiful wedding dress.

I have three sons. I allowed each bride to pick out what she wanted made from my wedding dress. The first used the dress to make the two pillows for the ring bearers. The second wanted a beautiful padded photo album. The third asked for a covered padded picture frame in which to display their wedding photograph.

Other suggestions are a basket for the flower girl or an altar cloth to be used in church during the ceremony. I still have a little material and lace left, which may someday be used to create something special for the weddings of my two granddaughters.

Wisconsin

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